At the conclusion of my sophomore year in high school, I decided that I had enough of being a fatty. I was 16, and I was the fat friend of the popular girls. Every group of pretty, popular girls has to have the token unattractive girl in their group because it makes them feel better about themselves. In return the unattractive girl, gets the honors of being associated with the in crowd.
Although I was a fatty, I was of course an honors student, involved in student government, involved in the math & science club, and played tennis, and sometimes softball. The one cool activity I did snag was taking stats for the boys varsity basketball team. I got to go to all the games, including the play offs, and hang out with the basketball cuties. They never noticed me except when they wanted to know their stats for the game. But, I was okay with that because again, I got to hang out in the popular circle. However, I decided that I wanted to spend my junior year not being the fat girl any more.
I spent the next three months over summer vacation working out, and dieting. Every moment of every day, I spent getting skinny. At the end of the summer, I lost 18 pounds, and was pretty. Mom had to buy a new wardrobe not just because it was the beginning of the school year, but because everything I had fell off me. I took advantage and bought clothes that showed off my figure more. Back then we didn't have any of the belly baring stuff, but we did have close fitting duds. I bought whatever my Mom would let me.
I couldn't sleep at all the night before the first day of school. The first day of school was aways an exciting day for me, but this one in particular was going to be big because it was going to be my "coming out." I remember walking onto campus, and once upon a time when boys used to just walk past me without even noticing I was alive, now I had the boys turning their heads. Man, what a powerful and exhilarating feeling that was. I can still remember it.
The joy of being skinny and finally getting to be one of the pretty girls was not to last very long though. Not only did I change they way I looked, I changed the dynamic of my social standing at school. With my group of popular girlfriends, I was no longer the ugly one. I blossomed and became one of the good looking ones just like them. No one prepared me for the hostility I was about to encounter. I thought my friends would be happy that they didn't have an ugly girl hanging around any more. What I learned was that my role was not to be an equal but to be an ego boost for them. My entrance card to the cool club was based on being less than the others. Once I changed that dynamic, the rules changed, and now I was a threat, and their competition. I was 16, and all I wanted was to be loved and accepted.
By the end of my senior year, I gained back all the weight I lost because it was safer having the layers of fat. I was back to my "role" and life was easier, although not happier. Again, I dreamed of the day when I could wear those skinny jeans.
