The Renaissance rocked

If this were the Renaissance, they would be telling me to gain weight so that I could be hot. The hotties back then were women who had large hips and heaving bosoms. They had bellies, and thick arms. Back then; having meat on your bones was a sign of wealth and status. Skinny meant you were an unfortunate peasant. Mona Lisa was smiling because she knew that she could eat whatever the hell she wanted and still be considered a goddess. Behind that smile, she’s saying, “That’s right bitches. I eat like a horse and I’m still the most famous woman in art.”

Not only did these women get to eat a lot, they also wore these huge long flowing gowns that would make even Roseanne Barr look svelte. You could probably hide a turkey or two under those huge skirts. I probably would have stashed a goodie bag filled with sweet munchies down my skirt, so there’d be a double treat for my man. Ooopsie! Did I say that out loud?