So I did my skinny jeans exercise Sunday. As a backdrop, in my magical skinny jeans life, the following things exist:
- I can eat whatever I want and not worry about it
- Food is NOT on my brain 24/7
- I can do anything. Insecurity does not dictate what I can or can't do.
- I feel sexy all the time
So given that, I mentally shifted my perspective. I took some acting classes 2 years ago, so I used some of the exercises to get me "in character." I find, for me , that doing visualization exercises are more affective when I'm pretending to be a character instead of myself, although the character I am playing is myself. I just imagine it's another person. That works for me, it could be different for you.
Matt and I spent the weekend with his family, for sis's birthday, and for relaxation. The folks have an awesome pad, and Matt's family is really fun. On Sunday, we went to brunch, so I decided to order corned beef hash with toast, eggs, and hash browns. Normally, I would get the oatmeal or fruit plate, but today, since we're living the skinny jeans life, I can eat whatever I want, so I ordered what I REALLY wanted. When the food arrived, ironically, I ate only a few bites. It just wasn't that appetizing. It was like that the whole day. I let myself eat whatever I wanted without any censorship or lectures from my guilt, and when I got the food on my plate, it wasn't that appealing. In fact, I was more interested in chatting and socializing with everyone else. To sound cliche, I was really in the moment with the people I was with instead of fretting about what food I ate, how much weight I'd gain, or how many miles I'd have to run to burn off all the calories I just consumed. It was wonderful to be free of the calorie counting.
On the clothes side, I just imagined that whatever I was wearing looked hot on me. Normally, I would start with some kind of critique of my look, and then end with some kind of wish that I was thinner. But today, in my head, I am already thinner so I behaved like I would have it were true. While looking in the mirror, I admired what I liked about myself. I felt proud in my skin, and I stood up straighter. I notice that when I'm heavier, I slump all the time. When I'm thinner, I stand taller. It's a confidence thing.
One of the things I love about dating Matt is that he thinks I'm pretty as I am. I've gained weight since we started dating but it doesn't bother him. He has never made any comments about my appearance in a negative way. In fact, he's the first man I've dated where I have not been insecure about my looks in any way. I don't worry about him leaving me for a prettier girl, or worrying about whether he thinks I'm fat, old, or whatever. Perhaps it's my own growth in my confidence over the years coupled with the fact that I finally found a man who loves me for the inside and not the outside. So, in the man department, I didn't have to imagine my relationship in my skinny jeans dream. I already have it.
The exercise was interesting. I was thinking though, for me, is that I need to do this exercise while I am shopping for clothes in the mall. Today, shopping for clothes is the worst for me. It puts me in a depressing and glum mood. Peppy Stephanie quickly disappears, and grumpy Stephanie moves in. Definitely not pretty. Shopping for an outfit, especially now that summer is coming upon us with all the skimpy clothes, will be the next challenge.
