Can a wedding be too perfect?

Every bride wants her wedding to be "perfect." I mean, you're only going to do it '"once" (at least with this particular groom) so your special day should be Utopian. When I open a bridal magazine, I start to feel that if my day isn't flawless like what they have so gracefully laid out for my bridal eyes, then perhaps I did something "wrong." Just a thought.

I went to a wedding this Labor day weekend, and everything about this wedding had "perfect" written all over it. It was a second marriage for both the bride and groom. The bride has no children, and the groom has four all teenagers.The kids plus the bride's niece were the wedding party. Very cute. Here's a list of other wedding details:

• Wedding Dress: Vera Wang size 6
• Venue: Auberge du Soleil in Napa Valley (Christina Aguillera got married here)
• Weather: 75 degrees with rich baby blue sky like in a magazine
• Food: 5 course meal which was bellisimo and maybe more memorable than the wedding itself
• Drinks: Fine wines from the Napa valley
• Cake: Martha Stewart would be so proud, and had both chocolate and vanilla cake
• Flowers: Roses in soft pastel violet. Rose petals were scattered along the bridal path.
• Music: Cello and violin duo for wedding. Jazz trio for reception.
• # of Guests: 50
• Wait staff: Superb. Before we ate, they even asked each person if they had any food allergies. I am allergic to mushrooms, so instead of the mushroom soup (course 3) I got a tomato bisque (absolutely divine)
• Honeymoon: Fiji and Bora Bora (first class)

I had a great time, and Augerge du Soleil is really quite beautiful. I can see why the celebrities like to hang out there. However, on the drive home, Matt and I both noted that although the wedding seemed perfect, something was missing. What exactly, I don't know, but it definitely felt like something was missing.

For me, after pontificating for awhile, I think the missing ingredient wasn't the "stuff" like the venue, dress, or weather, no, the missing ingredient was a feeling, a warmth. The metaphor that comes to me is the perfect livingroom where the carpet is white, and the couches are covered in plastic so they won't get dirty (or lived in.) You get to sit in the pretty room with the nice furniture, and the people you are visiting are really nice, but you keep thinking to yourself, "Why do you make me sit on plastic covered furniture? It's not relaxing or cozy."

In this wedding, the most notable missing thing was the lack of a toast from the bride. The groom said some really beautiful things to his new bride, but the bride never got up and gushed about her new husband. Every wedding I have been to, both the bride and groom say something. Maybe she's shy and will save her words for later when they are alone, but I guess, my greedy guest self wanted to hear the declaration.

I'm all for having the best things in a wedding, but I think what really makes the essence of the wedding are the characteristics of warmth and love. The feelings are far more important than the "stuff."