Back in skinny jeans: Time Inc. - Sicking lawyers on bloggers kills your buzz and likability

Smart marketers get this: To get loads of buzz, get a slew of bloggers talking about you, and then linking to you so that their readers can come to your website and bring down the house.

It's simple. Buzz=links=traffic-to-you. Simple. Not hard. Even Paris Hilton gets this.

Here comes Time the Cyclops
Old media cyclops Time Inc. just does not get this principle at all because well, they only have one eye, and what's a monster to do when he's only got one eyeball. I know! Stomp on innocent villagers to strike fear across the land. Instead of instilling the help of bloggers to help generate excitement and momentum for their new Patrick Dempsey twins spread, Time Inc. sicks lawyers on the bloggers to make sure they know who's boss. Culture Kitchen says "Bite Me", and Jossip says, "People to Blogs: Please don't make us feel like we wasted so much cash on Patrick Dempsey."

Bend over blogger
I got the same gorked email Sooz got from a 3-named lawyer from a 4-named law firm representing the interest of People magazine and Time Inc. on the exclusiveness of pics of Patrick Dempsey and his twins. 3-named lawyer asks at the end for us to send a written letter acknowledging that we bent over and took our whipping like good kids. I did bend over because well sometimes I like spankings. However, I'm not going to kill any more trees just to please 3-named lawyer. Email should placate the one-eyed ogre.

Covers are link bait
Now, to me, a magazine cover is like album art or a 30 second iTunes music preview. It gives you a sneak peek of the real gem inside. WTF is so exclusive about a magazine cover that is public knowledge? They are lucky I am letting their magazine sit on my blog shelf with my corresponding link to them free of charge. I am sending traffic to you ungrateful, narrow eyed creature.

If I were a smart magazine owner wanting millions of web surfers to descend on my website to justify the bazillions I just spent on said Grey's celebrity, I would let everyone who knows how to cut & paste take the cover shot and use it as bait to link to the real prize which is the family portraits. I would send this lovely note:

Dear Blogger (Who we finally acknowledge is almighty on the web),

We are excited about some new "first ever" pictures featuring new papa Patrick Dempsey and his twin boys. We would be equally excited to have you blog about this story and link to our website.

You may use the picture of the cover shot as link bait in your blog with this corresponding link (xyz) to the page with the rest of the family portraits of Patrick with the twins, along with wife Jillian and daughter Talula. They are precious indeed.

You can only use the picture of the cover of the magazine. If you attempt to post any of the family portraits, then we will sick our exorbitant mini-cycloptic lawyers on you with our walloping beat down stick. Kapeesh?"