It never fails. Your life is fantastic. You’re happy. You’ve got a wonderful new man to cuddle up with at night who will go see chick flicks with you, and loves your eclectic hat collection, and then bam! The phone rings or you get an email and it’s an ex-boyfriend, and most often it’s an ex-BF who broke your heart in some way either therapy-level broken or “file this in dumb mistakes never to repeat again” type of broken. You haven’t heard from the guy in years, and mainly because he broke up with you in some scoundrel way and you have pretty much wiped him from your consciousness.
But, here he is calling just to say, “Hi! It’s [so-and-so]. Surprised? I know it’s been a long time. I was thinking about you so I thought I’d call to see how you’re doing. So, how you doing?”
"Crap is the universe trying to unhinge me?" In your head, thoughts start tumbling around. Hmmm...
- “Oh, hi. I’m doing good. How’s that cactus you cheated on me with doing?”
- “I’m good. Having a mid-life crisis are we?”
- “Doing well. You must be going through the 12-steps and are at the make amends part ain’t ya’?”
- “I’m super. You know what you really were telling the truth. It was you and not me."
Wouldn’t you just love to say what you really think to him? Some of you brave hearts actually have, and some of us opt for the more well-behaved yet demure, “Yes wow. I am surprised to hear from you. What’s up?” You do this because you want to talk to him more out of sheer curiosity. Yeah he was such a jerk to you, but somewhere inside Cinderella wants to know, “Has he been secretly pining away for me all this time? Did he finally come to his senses and realize that I really was the best thing that ever happened to him?” Our sense of romantic fantasy comes to the forefront. It’s romantic to feel like the object of some guy’s affection even it is the asshat who stood you up the night of your best friend's engagement party.
Because you’re dying to know more, you keep talking to him or you take it a step further and agree to meet him for drinks or coffee to catch up for old times sake. It feels like he is wooing you again because he calls, he’s showering attention on you, and he sends goofy emails just because he found something that reminded him of you. The bad boys always have a way of making us feel like the pearl in the oyster.
You’re intrigued. The part of you that actually buys into the whole Harlequin romance stories has gotten the best of you, and you’re saying yes to see him to see if the scoundrel has mended his ways and has grown up to become that Prince Charming you always knew he could be. Remember all those good things you saw in him that no one else saw especially your girlfriends and parents who knew he was not worthy of you. Now is your chance to prove all of them wrong after all. Maybe you’re even inclined to think that he has resurfaced to reclaim his true love, you. So, off you go to meet him.
Tomorrow Part II: Seeing the ex-boyfriend years out of touch
[picture: "passing afternoon" by brainware3000]