I thought this blast from my past would be fun to share. For as long as I can remember, I have tried to get a job at Apple, and when I say try, I mean, I tried harder than Kathy Griffin trying to get off the D-List to get in that place, and have ended up, well, here, on the outside, still.
In 2003, I decided to "think different" and wrote this creative cover letter for a Design & Print Partnership Manager position. The recruiter probably thought I was on crack or snacking on shrooms when I wrote this masterpiece, but looking back, it shows not only how creative I am, but how so not corporate I am. No wonder I didn't get in. This one doesn't know how to be a sheep, which actually is good for a company who needs "different thinkers."
Read my oh-so imaginative cover letter after the jump.
[picture]
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March 11, 2003
[Recruiter's name was here]
HR Recruiter
Apple Computer
One Infinite Loop
Cupertino,CA 95014
Dear [Recruiter's name was here],
Picture this iMovie of your ideal candidate in the role of Partnership Manager: Design and Print
THE PREMISE...
The Kingdom of Jaguar is searching high and low for new champions to lead their OSX crusade. To their delight, a new heroine has arrived, Stephanie of the House of Quilao. She embraces her new role as Partnership Manager: Design and Print, which was made known to her by her friend and ally, [My friend's name at Apple with his title was here.]
CHARACTER INTRODUCTION...
Legend has it that Stephanie is passionate and target-driven. Her specialty is search and rescue. She ventures into lands near and far to find users and evangelists of competitor products, and saves them by presenting advanced technology, which will help make their lives easier and joyful. In her last crusade, she led the Field Marketing efforts for the Monarchy of NVIDIA, and helped her land grow by $1.21 billion in a three-year period. She is an expert at creating high-profile alliances and partnerships, with her magical ability to convert non-believers into believers with strategic vision, persuasion, and technology savvy.
THE MISSION…
Stephanie is challenged with the mission to champion the glory of OSX and Apple platforms to all design and print developers. For the Kingdom of Jaguar, she will save developers from the clutches of the Lords of PC. Her cause is to create powerful and trusted bonds with the developers so that the Kingdom of Jaguar will reign steadfast.
MAGICAL POWERS…
Besides her enchanting business talents, Stephanie has a few other magical powers that will make her exceptionally effective at winning over developers and executive management.
- Charm is her mightiest power, which allows her to create alliances with executives, key influencers, and managers in powerful kingdoms like NVIDIA, Macromedia, Apple Computer, Discreet, and Alias WaveFront.
- Developers will find irresistible a new Partnership Manager who is technologically savvy in 2D and 3D applications from her past work at NVIDIA, the world-class maker of graphics processing units (GPUs). Internally, Apple Engineering and Product Marketing will prize a new team member who can speak their language and bridge the gap between left-brain and right-brain activities.
- Known for her creativity and love of design, she has used Macintosh computers since 1984. Her first computer was the original Macintosh. She has professional experience as a graphic designer, and a portfolio is available for your enjoyment.
THE BEGINNING…
I hope you enjoyed the movie. Please take a moment to review my resume for the position of Partnership Manager: Design and Print. I appreciate your time and consideration Scott, and look forward to speaking with you in person.
Thank you,
Stephanie D. Quilao
