The Most Ridiculous Diets revisited

Over at Divine Caroline, they had an article about "The Top Ten Most Ridiculous Diets" and I agree that most on this list are ridiculous, but if I were to do the list, this is what my 10 would include.

The Lemon Water Detox Diet
This one is where you drink nothing but a concoction made of water, fresh lemons, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. This one has been around for awhile but it got big attention when Beyonce used it to drop 20 lbs (reportedly) in 14 days to get in shape for her role in Dream Girls, and it has become popular with the models. This is really not a diet because, well, you're not actually eating anything. In my book, a true diet has to include some kind of food, and most importantly, a detox does not equal a diet. It's been really irritating to me how weight loss marketers are distorting detoxes with diets. A detox is short and temporary and diets can go on for long periods of time. Something to note. When Beyonce went back to eating regular food, those 20lbs came back faster than Britney's next outfit change.

The Kimkins Diet
This one is like Atkins but with creator Kimmer's twist. That twist is really eating somewhere between 500-1200 calories per day which if you're eating that low, you're going to lose weight. Is it a healthy way to lose weight, I'd say not. The biggie though was the scam scandal as "Kimmer" turned out to be not what she said she was. Kimmer claimed to have lost 198 lbs in 6 months on her diet creation and stayed at her new weight when really she had gained all the weight back but didn't tell anyone until she got "caught on film." Word of caution, don't pay money to be part of program riddled with scandal.

...You can't live on a liquid diet ...

Skinny Bitch
Now, lots of people liked this book, and this isn't an official "diet program" but the authors of this book sure talk like it is. Skinny Bitch became popular when Victoria Beckham and Jessica Alba were photographed holding the book. Basically the way to get skinny in the authors' opinion is become Vegan, and if you eat anything that is not vegan friendly then you are "a moron and you will become a sick fattie." Their words not mine. I'm not into anything that has "all or nothing" attitudes about food, and uses scare tactics via heavy political and philosophical retoric to get people out of their evil carcass consuming ways. I'm all for people wanting to chose a vegan lifestyle, but all the vegans I know made the change out of value issues surrounding animals not as a means to get skinny.

The Weight Loss Cure They Don't Want You to Know About
Based on the book of the same name, this isn't a "diet program" per say but a short term-type program where you can lose like 1lb a day practically. Author Kevin Trudeau shares the secret weight loss tactic of the uber rich and royalty. It's pee from pregnant women. Not kidding. Apparently, some scientist figured out that there is something in the pee of pregnant women that has some super duper magical fat blasting properties, so people are paying big bucks to get injections of some concoction of preggers pee and whatever. Sorry, but even during times of skinny desperation, I don't think I'd want a golden shower in my veins.

21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox
This gained notiriety when Robin Quivers, Howard Stern's side kick, dropped a lot of weight using this "program." In this one, you're not eating anything. You are doing a cleansing fast where you primarily consume fresh vegetable juices and that's about it. What sucks about this one is that it is based on some really good detox principles, but then they had to go slap the word "Diet" onto it to help make the book sell better.  Again, a detox does not equal a diet. The emphasis on the "Martha's Vineyard" panache is kind of sly because the creator of this diet Roni Deluz does work at the Martha's Vineyard Holistic Retreat, part of the renowned Martha's Vineyard Inn, so it's really about that specific retreat place not the whole area. Again, this is a marketing tactic to make the diet sound like it's part of the lives of the rich and famous. You can't drink vegetable juices the rest of your life, as eventually you''ll have to eat real food.

The Wu-Yi Tea Diet
If you pay attention to Google Ads, you will see ads all over the place for this weight loss Wu-Yi Tea "ancient Asian secret." The sites claim that big names like Oprah and the top women's health mags like Shape and Women's Fitness endorse this Wu-Yi  tea which of course you can only get from one particular company. Of course, you won't find any official endorsements on the real sites. They probably heard from a friend of a friend of Oprah's apartment doorman that she may have tried it, so hey, that's good enough, no? They claim you can drop 25 lbs in 2 months with diet, exercise, and the "magical" tea that melts the fat right off. This case is an example of where someone takes something based on Traditional Chinese Medicine (a good thing) and twists it into something highly commercial to suck people into spending money on a get-thin-quick scheme. Here's a great write up on "The truth about Wu-Yi Tea."

The Subway Sandwich Diet
Agree with Divine Caroline. Sorry Jared but no one can eat Subway the rest of their lives. Nice marketing try though.

Dr. Siegal's Cookie Diet
Agree with Divine Caroline. Okay, please! How can you honestly believe that cookies will set your fat free?

The Cabbage Soup Diet
Agree with Divine Caroline. Seriously, getting skinny is not worth having cabbage smelling farts.

Any other "diets" you think are ridiculous?

Comments

[Comrade GoGo]

I'm pretty sure there's an "ice cream diet" out there, too. Maybe in a perfect world . . . but it always sounded pretty ludicrous to me.

[chia]

I am really suprised you're willing to diss the Skinny Bitches before dissing the Atkins diet.

[Bobetter]

Skinny Bitch does try and promote healthier vegan foods, to be fair...Atkins is the one that doesn't want any veggies or fruit in the beginning, nice way to get cancer.

[OhYeahBabe]

Thanks for putting Kimkins on this list!

Google ads has posted ads on your blog for diets that are in your list. :-P

Just for the record, Bobetter, vegetables and some fruits are required from day 1 of Atkins, and the quantity required increases quickly. Done right, you're practically choking on produce to get them all in. Don't diss it till you've read it. Sounds to me like you're talking about 'Adkins', not 'Atkins'.

[Stephanie Quilao]

Yea, I realize that Google Ads show up on my site for some of these diets and I have little control over that except to abandon Google Ads all together. Trust me I've tried. For now, I'm a growing blogger who has no other better income sources so I'm biting my tongue. In the weight loss category, Google's filtering system is much harder than people realize because you have to put in individual urls. Do you know how many urls there are about Hoodia? Tons.

As for the list, they are in no particular order, but I still did not care for Skinny Bitch. Many of the principles yes are sound ones, but I did not appreciate the language like who wants to be called a moron or a sick fattie? That kind of humor is not uplifting to me.

Also, I did not like the hidden political agenda. Again, if you talk to true vegans, many will tell you that their core motivation to go vegan was out of their values and morals around animals. They did not go vegan because it was a good way to get skinny. Being slim is just a by product of the lifestyle, it is not the core motivator. And those who go the Skinny Bitch way, let's see how long they stay eating this way. If you are doing it just to be skinny, it won't last long. You really have to be committed to the vegan way of living for it to last long term.

The tone of the book (in my opinion) also uses way too much shame, horror and guilt as a way to motivate people to become vegan. I would have had more respect for the book had the authors kept their political opinions out and focused more on what is positive about the vegan lifestyle versus what is so horrid about being a carnivore or omnivore. Yea you can talk about the ill affects meat can have on you but you don't have to beat me over the head with it. Also, neither one of the authors is a medical professional. Kim has an MS in Holistic Nutrition yes, but she is not a doctor. If there were doctor testimonials in the book then that would have helped their cause too.

Lastly, back to the tone, there is something about a former model and a modeling agent calling people names like moron and idiots for being fatties really condescending. Again, I think that former models can have great tips and ideas but they don't have to be smug about it as a way to be funny. Carol Alt did a book about Raw foods and it was fantastic. She also promotes the Raw lifestyle and she does it in a classy and informative way. That makes me more open to hearing more of what she has to say.

[Allison]

I actually really liked the "Skinny Bitch" book, although I do not always follow their meal plans exactly. The principles, no matter how rude and crude do make sense; it's really just the "you are what you eat" idea.

I had been a vegetarian for 7 years when I read this book and I had been looking for something to push me over the edge to veganism, and this book was definitely it.

I know that it is pretty controversial because meat eaters DO NOT want to be told what they can and can eat and that's fine. My whole family eats meat, and I'm the only vegan one, so I know to just eat my veggies and keep my mouth shut.

The "Skinny Bitch" girls should really put a 'vegan disclaimer' on the outside of the book so that people who aren't into the vegan thing can just bypass it.

On another note, about the Lemon/maple syrup/pepper water detox, how good can that actually taste? I don't think I could stomach it for even a day! That sounds like such a nasty combo!

[Almost Vegetarian]

I spend half my time wanting to smack the people that come up with these money-grab diets on the forehead and the other half of my time smacking those that follow them in a similar manner.

The good old fashioned eat healthy, avoid processed foods diet seems to work awfully well.

And you don't have to overdose on cabbage or any other ingredient.

Cheers!

[Stephanie Quilao]

I agree Allison, there should be some byline on the front or back cover that mentions the vegan slant. I do get though why the publisher won't do it because the book will sell better as some fashionista type diet as opposed to veganism as stylish.

[prettikat]

I've heard about most of these but pregnant women's pee? Wow. Unbelievable the lengths people go just to lose weight (or for their appearance with all the plastic surgery fixes). Ugh.

[kgtg]

Regardless of whether or not you liked the tone of the book, the Skinny Bitch diet is not ridiculous, it is actually quite healthy. I don't think it belongs in this list.

[Lillian]

I found the 'Skinny Bitch' to be hysterical. I'm nearly vegan so that part wasn't offensive. My honey is closer to being vegan than I and he still 'obese'. Eating healthy vegan food doesn't guarantee that you'll be thin. My stepdaughter is thin and she was the one that took the lead in becoming vegan because she didn't like the way she felt when she ate dairy products or eggs. I'm moderately overweight. If I lose weight, it will be from exercising and eating less, not because I don't consume animal products.