A reader asked me this the other day, so I thought I would
share my answer with everyone, since I have a feeling that many of you are
wondering the same thing.
At the beginning of the year, I came clean about having a relapse with bulimia last Fall and since that confession, I have not spoken about the relapse or my healing again. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it or that I am ashamed to talk about my journey with bulimia recovery. In fact, making that confession showed me just how supportive my audience is, and how kind and thoughtful all of you are. I keep saying this, and I won’t stop saying it, but you my readers, are truly a blessing for me, and I am grateful every day for the joy you bring me. I truly mean it when I say, that I don’t know where I’d be without this blog.
There is really two simple answers.
Personal Info Boundaries
First, how much do I want to reveal about my personal life
here? Every blogger has their personal info boundary for what they share on
their blog, and for me, I know there are things I feel safe and comfortable
talking about, and there are things that I am just not emotionally ready to
share. Back in Skinny Jeans was never meant to be a site about eating
disorders, nor have a strong focus on healing and recovery from eating
disorders.
I shared my own story more as a way to show how the desire to fit an ideal standard of beauty can get extreme and dangerous, and that a weight loss journey can be very complex and that there really is a lack of emphasis on the emotional aspect of weight loss. Look at all the diet and weight loss books as well as programs, and the majority focus on food and exercise with some slight mention or work on emotions. BISJ has gained popularity I believe because I spend the majority of the time talking about the emotional issues behind the weight gain and weight loss journey. It’s not just a simple formula of “you’re fat because you consume more calories than you expend, so consume less calories than what your body needs and you’ll lose weight.”
...a weight loss journey can be very complex ...
We all know it’s not that simple because if it were, getting and staying at our ideal weight or dress size would be much easier than it is for many of us. There would also not be a multi-trillion dollar industry behind slim & thin. If you really think about it, there are many companies who do not want you to get to your goal weight and stay there just once because doing that would take money out of their pockets. No, they depend on you to yo-yo so that you will come back and buy their products and services.
Personally, if I were to do a business related to weight loss, like a Jenny Craig or a Curves or a Gym or a South Beach Diet, I would design a holistic approach that would include food, body, and emotions, and I would teach people how to get and be at their ideal healthy weight the rest of their lives using every day things. For example, we’d teach you about eating wellness using everyday foods you can buy at the supermarket instead of buying pre-packaged “diet” foods which no one can eat the rest of their life.
I would teach people to be independent and empowered in their own healing, and that we could help you reach your goal initially but then after, really, I don’t want you coming back to do the weight loss cycle again because you've gained all the weight back again and then some. I'd like to give you the tools and training to stand on your own. If you come back it’s because you want to move to the next level of learning. My own personal weight loss journey has been more a result of me wanting better overall health, and I had to learn that in chunks and stages. It’s like that saying, you help someone more when you teach them to fish as opposed as giving them the fish to eat.
Balance between personal life and editorial
The second reason I don’t share too much info about my
healing from bulimia is that, I am careful to not make BISJ a platform to rant
about what is challenging or painful about my life at the moment. I’ll do it from
time to time, and ironically, when I do that my blog traffic spikes
significantly. When BISJ was just a personal blog, I felt ok to rant more and
be a bit more forth coming about my personal life, but now the blog is a
business, and I have to maintain balance between my personal life and
editorial. For any blogger who has made this transition, you understand how
hard this can be. Your blog became popular for a reason mostly because it’s you
sharing your life, but now you’re trying to get advertisers because you want to
do your blog as a living, and so how do you explain to these companies why you
spend the majority of your time talking about things that belong in a private
journal. It’s tough.
...I cannot always emotionally handle the intensity of a deep revealing post ...
In the past, some of you have viewed my diverse change in
content tone ie. On Monday I talk about having a bulimia relapse and then Tues day I’m
talking about 5 tips to get rid of that muffin top, as me being superficial or
fake because I get very deep one day and then go 180 the next day, but I can
tell you it’s not. Most times, I have to do a lighter post the next day or the
next few days or weeks after simply because I cannot always emotionally handle the
intensity of a deep revealing post. Sometimes it can be too much and it can
send me into pockets of depression. I know it doesn't look like it from the outside, but those deep posts really take a toll on me, so again, I've learned to pace myself.
When some of you tell me I’m brave for revealing what I do, in my head, I think I’m more brave for putting myself in such an emotionally charged situation on purpose because I know how I get. Again, this is why I have on my “support team” medical professionals. My intent behind sharing what I do is always to help others and share the "messy middle" of the success story.
Metaphorically, the sporadic-ness of the revealing posts is kind of like going to therapy only once or every other a week versus every day. You’re pacing yourself. Most people couldn’t emotionally handle going to therapy every day because the emotional release and work you do even in a one hour session can totally knock you off your game for days, weeks, or even months. I am getting better at how I execute my stories, with smoother transitions between the deeper stories and the lighter ones . If Oprah can go from stories about battered wives one day to tips on how to stop being a Shlumpadinka the next, then I think we (bloggers) can all learn from that and do the same.
So, that’s it in a nutshell. I would like to offer that if any of you have questions about bulimia or eating disorders and how to get help, please feel free to email me. As well, if there are any related topics you’d like me to write about, please let me know. I won’t promise I’ll write it immediately, but I can put it in the post queue.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read and listen :->
