Captain's Log: 03052008 Total Walk Time: 41 min @ 2:27pm
I saw this pigeon just hanging out on the edge of the bridge that over looks the lagoon near my apartment complex. For a moment, he had two other friends, but they got spooked by me, and flew away. This guy however, just sat still enjoying the view of the water. He knew I was there, but he wasn't going to let a human disrupt his stillness on that ledge.
I've been walking 4 days now, and the thought that keeps coming up is about busy-ness, and stillness. I met this photographer woman once selling her photos at a street fair. She traveled mainly to Asian and African countries. Her photographs were mostly of people in local villages in their native attire. The colors of her photos were just breathe taking. One photo in particular that caught my eye was a close-up of a young monk in Tibet. I was mesmerized by the look of serenity yet joy in his eyes, and this photography lady had the same look. I talked to her a bit about her travels, and the whole time I kept thinking, "This woman is so calm. She is so happy. She is so content. How did she get that way because I want to be like that."
A year after my encounter with that photographer lady, I quit a very lucrative job in a company that is now a multi-billion dollar giant in the tech industry. When I started I was employee #200. Everyone thought I was crazy for leaving because I still had pre-IPO options, but I was constantly sick, constantly stressed, constantly depressed, and constantly unable to just be. It was unbearable to just be still and all I wanted to be was still. I wanted to be like that photographer lady and that monk. I wanted to know calm stillness. My body was so obviously physically screaming for that because it was getting fat, sick, and having panic attacks. Towards the end of my time at that company, I was starting to have anxiety/panic attacks, and one day it happened at work, and the doctor put me on medical leave for 3 months because the panic attacks were really just the tip of the ice berg.
I thought this simple 30-day walking experiment would just be about fitness and doing some different exercise, but so far it's turning into a daily therapy session. A number of emotions and thoughts are bubbling to the surface, and on one hand it's cool, but on the other hand it's frustrating because I just want to exercise and clear my mind. Perhaps my soul interpreted "Clear my mind" as "ok, let's bring to the surface old stuff that's cluttering up your psyche so you can sort, release, and then have a clear mind." Must be so because I really didn't expect all these emotions to start coming to light in these walks.
Besides all the emotions, I really have been enjoying my walks because I've been seeing things that are really cool like these lady bugs. How often do you get to see two Ladybugs together. The symbolism for Ladybugs is a sign of good luck, and wishes. They also represent helpfulness and luck in love. This made my day!
