When your Asian Aunties remind you that you have too much rice on your plate

In every Asian family, there is always an aunt or two who take it upon themselves to remind you, especially at family gatherings in front of everyone, of how much weight you've put on, and that you would be so pretty if you just lost weight. These aunties are not even discreet about it because well, in their minds, at least, they are doing their job. Been there?

I'm proud to say that my friend Camy's second book is out now, Only Uni, and in the book their are examples of the kind of body image issues that Asian women commonly deal with like the pestering aunts. I'm excited to have Camy join us today for a guest post, and you lucky readers have a chance to win a free copy of Only Uni over at Camy's blog.
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I’m so honored to be guest blogging for Steph today! A lot of what she talks about on her blog are issues that I—and, consequently, my characters—deal with about our own body images. 

I’m sure this happens in other ethnic groups, too, but one thing many Asian American women face is some harsh criticism from their families about their weight and looks. 

Most family members aren’t being deliberately malicious, but pointed remarks about the extra weight you’ve gained doesn’t exactly put you in a happy-happy-joy-joy frame of mind, especially before family dinners. 

I mean, why do I need someone to point out that my upper arms are quite large, or that I’m not as skinny as Cousin So-N-So? Is that going to somehow make me NOT snarf down a big plate of lo mein or inarizushi or lumpia? 

It’s hard to not let the remarks affect my self-esteem. Even if I’ve just gotten a bonus and promotion at work or had some type of personal success, an auntie’s harping about my weight makes me feel lower than rice paddy scum. That shouldn’t happen, because my identity is not caught up in the fact I’m larger than my sister or my cousin or his wife. 

The nagging is hard to ignore. It’s hard to remember that my worth is not dependent on my family’s opinion of my weight. 

I heard once that a person’s self-esteem is based on what they think the most important people in their lives think about them. If the most important people in my life are my nagging aunties, then my self-esteem is based on what they think of me. 

But if the most important people in my life are people like my friends, my significant other, my OTHER family members, then that helps me to focus on what I SHOULD be thinking about myself. 

It’s not a quick fix or a wand that bonks you on the head and ZAP! you don’t care anymore that Grandma thinks you now weigh more than Uncle SuSu. But it’s something to cling to as I’m gearing up for a family gathering, something to help my aunties’ comments only scratch a little before they slide off. 

Who are the most important people in your life? And what do they think of you?

Get Only Uni at Amazon.
 

Camy Tang is the loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick lit. She used to be a biologist, but now she is a staff worker for her church youth group and leads a worship team for Sunday service. She also runs the Story Sensei fiction critique service. At her blog, Camy gives away Christian novels every Monday and Thursday, and she ponders frivolous things like dumb dogs (namely, hers), coffee-geek husbands (no resemblance to her own...), the writing journey, Asiana, and anything else that comes to mind.