Since it's Friday, and I'm in one of those petty biatchy moods, I'm gonna "go there" on Mariah Carey because the woman is apparently living in some diva induced illusion. Yes, this is kinda high school in a Bad Girl's Club kinda way but Mariah opened the door after her ridiculous "Look at my skinnification" Oprah visit, so let's go to lowtown.
My hypothesis: Mariah is so scared to death about turning 40 in two years that she is doing all she can to convince us all now that she is really 28 in the body of an 18-year-old.
Data support:
US magazine spread, "How Mariah got her teenage body back." Why does a 38-year-old need to convince herself that she can still shop at Forever 21? Did Patricia pour some crazy into her flax seed kiwi rice milk smoothie?
Allegedly, Mariah got hitched yesterday to some guy Nick Cannon who was just recently engaged to Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks. Apparently, Mariah and Nick met in March (like weeks ago) after he directed her video to the song "Bye Bye." Dude is 27 to Mariah's 38. Sounds like some desperate Cougar snare. I mean, what's the rush to get married? I have no doubt Mariah's thinking that she is much more prettier than a VS model because she closed the deal with Nick when the VS Angel couldn't. Petty, yes, but who's disagreeing with me? I think though this is really some publicity stunt to pump up record sales.
Mariah is posing here for ID Magazine, and oh my frickin' goodness these pics are airbrushed to the nines. Plus, she's trying way too hard to convince us that she could still hit it as a Low Rider car magazine cover girl. Look at the rest of the photo spread and you'll see what I'm talking about.
And lastly, when Perez Hilton makes a major shout out to a drag queen cabaret singer who created a Weird-Al-Yankovic type spoof to your hit single and renamed it, "Retouch My Body" all about your obsession with youth and beauty, then game is over. This song is pretty hilarious. I know strike me down for being a superficial fugster, but I had to laugh because IT'S TRUE. Someone has to say it out loud!
So, Mariah, girl, snap put of it! You have one of the most amazing voices in the world. Turning 40 is fabulous, and it's way more fantastic when you do it with grace. And for Pete's sake, stop dressing like Mom finally gave you the credit card to go shop at Wet Seal.
