"Two Tiny Changes": 5 forgiveness tips + update

On Noshtopia last week, while reviewing the book "Quantum Wellness," I talked about forgiveness as a key pillar in quantum healing. As I get older, the thing I find most common in people who are living happy and healthy lives is that all of them have let go of past hurts and grudges. Their inner selves are filled with plenty of joy because they made room for it by cleaning out all the heavy hurts and bags of pain.

Really, think about that. It's simple math. A container only has so much room, so it becomes what it is filled most with. You have a choice to fill your container (you) with anger and hurt or with bliss and gladness. If you have too much pain, there is no room for the joy to come in, so in order to heal, you must first deal with the hurts. No amount of therapy, eating well, exercising, or medication is going to make you fully well until you first deal with the inner pains. Your Inner Resistance Monster would have you think otherwise.

If there's a lot to deal with inside, that's okay. Everyone has to start somewhere. It may take a great deal of work and time, but every tiny step you make to start dealing with that pain is one tiny step in the direction of your happiness and it's worth it. You're worth it. So, here's some ideas to get you moving:

• This week, pick one low hanging grudge, something minor, you've been holding onto and let it go. Forgive the other person and yourself.

• When you feel you can be emotionally objective for a moment, take a few minutes, and make a list of the top 5 things you'd like to forgive and heal, so you can let go of it. You don't need to take any action yet, just write the list. The simple act of writing the list states your intent, and is a move in the direction of your joy. When you are ready, start to tackle each item on the list one at a time.

• Ask yourself, "What am I gaining by holding onto these hurts, grudges, and pains?" The only reason we hold onto to anything is because of some perceived benefits whether real or imagined. For example, we hold onto the skinny jeans because the perceived benefit is that our lives will be magical and perfectly happy once we can wear those jeans again. Likewise with your pains and hurts, there is a part of you that is benefiting from holding onto the past. By looking at it consciously, you may find out that you don't even remember why you're even holding on to some of the hurts your holding on to. In other cases, you can gain insight on what you need to heal.

• Ask yourself, "What will I gain by letting go of these hurts, grudges, and pains?" One thing I can tell you right away is that you will start feeling less stress, anger, and resentment. Life will feel lighter. If you can start focusing on everything you will gain by starting to forgive and let go, you may find your motivation to start doing the work of letting go.

• Is it more important for you to be right or to have peace? Sometimes, we hold onto an anger or grudge because we need to feel that we were in the right, and we cannot forgive until that other person admits that they were wrong and you were right. But really, each person has a part in an argument, and each person has a part in the forgiveness process. Does it really matter who makes the first move, and is it really worth it to waste valuable peaceful times with friends, loved ones, or collegues simply because your ego needs to feel vindicated? Would you rather have peace or the heaviness of a continued stand-off?

Last week this is what I did:

• This is isn't tiny, lately I'm into big changes versus tiny ones, but I launched the new theme of Back in Skinny Jeans to go "Beyond the Tag" so that I could let go of making my body and weight the focal point of my life. Taking the step to change my blog direction, was not only scary but liberating. It was a tough change to make because successful bloggers don't usually change the course of their niche at the high point of their popularity. It's going to be a steady transition, but I'm glad that I did it because I now have more freedom to evolve and grow as a person.