Back in skinny jeans

2008 Best of Back in Skinny Jeans

Can you believe it, it's the last day of 2008? In my head, it's still New Year's from this year. We certainly have come a long way baby! To recap a fabulous year, here in a stream of consciousness are the highlights of Back in Skinny Jeans 08:

• I came out about an ED relapse, and you all showed me and others just how much people, complete strangers even, can be so incredibly kind, supportive, and non-judgmental. The love and kindness that so many of you gifted me with indeed was key in my healing. Thank you!

• We had fun with Skinny Ass books, mannequins, weight loss theory, and BOOPiness. But I did remind you how flaws make you more interesting like a fine worn in leather jacket.

• We had a bout of insomnia, and was able to attribute it to too much interneting like over eating, and Pro blogging. Then pontificated about the emotional toll of blogging but agree that blogging is worth it.

• We got a shout out in The LA Times, got interviewed by NY Times reporter, got picked to be in AllTop, Oprah said hey wanna be part of our network, and Jillian Michaels thinks we haz it.

• Discussed the difference between "weight loss" and "weight management." Asked if you view your health as a liability or asset, and we all got off our chest what we wished our loved ones really knew about our body image issues.

• Lavished the thought of those days when you do nothing to glam up and yet everyone thinks you look hot. But then the folks at Redken hooked us up with a new hot dirty sex hair coif.

• Experimented with a "reboot" and went gluten-free vegan for a week, then realized the crazy conversations we used to have in our head just looking over a menu. But, we can still laugh at what goes on in my head when I go on a no-carb diet, and stopped saying we're on a diet but "on a menu."

• I finally came clean about the real reason I left my career in tech, and how not having the Asian skinny genes affected my body image.

• Everyone had an A-ha moment when we saw how perfect girl can hold you back instead of help you, and how we can self sabotage, have fears of success and kill the things we love. But, grandma taught us the true meaning of beauty.

• We got to meet in person some amazing bloggers at BlogHer 08, and at Quaker Oats, Oatmealpalooza. Cranky Fitness hosted a mini pre-view of my blog panel on coming out about the ED relapse.

• MizFit and I had ENOUGH of the bad PR pitches from healthy living brands. Better to drive yourself happy then crazy along with no more drinking of the beauty flavored hatorade.

• Is diet blogging helpful or hurtful? We got the guys to chime in on botox and chicken breast, becoming vain and bitter, and whether makeup really makes us beautiful.

• Got silly with some Banish the Blogger Butt, debated on whether window shopping was fun or frustrating, learned the virtues of creating micro goals, found some ways to stop stress eating, and reminded you of the benefits of drinking more water.

• We learned so much from 3 years of healthy living blogging. We did go kinda ballistic on Oprah about her weight gain as some tough BFF love, and we played women's magazine Editor-in-Chief for an issue.

• We decided to evolve from blogging about weight loss and blog more about eating wellness at Noshtopia, but then went on a month long hiatus in September, and reconsidered some. In 2009, we are re-evaluating that re-consideration because of that financial crisis thing that changed the game for everyone.

• We launched our new blog about lifestyle blogging, The Everyday Blogger.

Wowza! What a year, and what a good one it was. Thank you to all my readers. You mean the world to me and I could not have done it without you all. I'm so grateful!

I'll be back on January 5 to start off 2009 with my New Year's resolution theme. To give you a sneak peek, it's about money and love. Happy New Year everyone!

Paying Respect to the Fabulousness That is Elastic Waist

Many of you may have heard that Elastic Waist will be shutting down along with sister network blogs Product Fiend and Daily Bedpost. Mothership Conde Nast decided that there wasn't enough revenue sustainability in this down market. Seriously, I have no doubt the Dilbert drones couldn't see the future past the stat counter.

The shock of the news is still sinking in because EW is one of our girls, the playahs, the biggies in the healthy living blog niche. I also wanted to point out that I was really bugged by how Mediaweek referred to the three Conde blogs as "little known" so I gave them a piece of my mind over at The Everyday Blogger.

So today, on the last day of 2008, we would like to take a moment and pay our respects to our fellow healthy living blog comrade Elastic Waist. {We bow.}

I wish the best of luck to Weetabix, Anne, Kimberly and everyone else who gave their heart and soul at Elastic Waist. No doubt we have not heard the last of these fabulous people!

Update: Indeed, you can continue to hear some of their lovely voices over at Dearest Mabel minus the borg overlords.

Here's to our Dancing Queens

Better Than Nothin': Start Letting Go of the Small Stuff

Tuesdays are the day I want you to be proud of yourself for making even the smallest or tiniest of actions and changes towards your health goals because something modest like getting up out of your desk if you work at home and dancing for 4 minutes or taking one less bite of dessert when dining out is better than doing zero. All those little things add up over time.

Since this is the last Tuesday of 2008, a wonderful last exercise you can do is to start letting go of small things either physically or emotionally. Some examples:

Physical

• Books in your bookshelf someone else could enjoy or learn from
• That pair or pairs of skinny jeans in the closet you're holding onto {wink}
• Old food in the freezer

Emotional

• The faux pas one of your friends made months or years ago that really isn't a big deal today but you're still holding onto.
• The time you made a mistake, took responsibility for, and made amends for, yet can't stop wondering how you could have avoided making that mistake in the first place. It's done. Over. Time to drop it.
• Pick one less fight with someone you tend to fight with all the time.

Our lives can easily get clogged up with clutter which only serves to slow you down and to make less room for new stuff to come in like: good feelings, opportunities, or abundance. The more you alleviate your physical and emotional load, it can help you feel lighter and happier which is wonderful way to start a new year. What a great gift you can give yourself!

What are some small things you've let go of recently that helped you feel better?

Let the Crazy Quick Weight Loss Ad Games Begin

Friends and Romans! Because you-know-what season starts, oh on Thursday, the stream of quick weight loss ads is coming down the pike like flood season. I want to reiterate that I am not a fan nor do I endorse any of these quick weight loss plans.

Unfortunately, because of how ad networks and Google AdSense work, I have very little control over the context of ads that come through my blog here mainly because in the healthy living category there are like gazillions of companies who market their pills and instant fixes online. Yes, major *ugh!*

My choices are either no ads, or flux of weight loss ads. Right now, I can't operate with no ads although the idealist in me would love to shut it all down. So, I ask you to be patient with me as I'm working one some other revenue alternatives as we speak, and understand that yes, I believe and endorse holistic and realistic ways to creating a healthier body.

Emotional Bullshit: The Crap That Stinks Up Our Lives

Brilliant title: "Emotional Bullshit" by Carl Alasko PhD. Love it! Simple and to the point.

The day after Christmas I was having one of those spells wading in the swamp of Ex Significant Other funk, so I did what any normal heartbroken soul trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship would do, I went trolling around the Self Help section at Barnes & Noble. You've been there too?

And to my glee, just seeing the cover of this book made me happy because there in huge red letters was truthiness, "Emotional Bullshit." Finally, some directness. I've spent too much time in the land of vagueness with the Ex, and it was refreshing to hear and see candidness.

Maybe in these pages, I hoped to find the answers or even just some reasons for all this crap I'm going through with my Ex, and what happened, what really happened to us because many things I thought were true, I'm beginning to see were not. And indeed, the scribe gave me some answers:

The Toxic Trio:  Denial, Delusion, and Blame. This is the recipe for Emotional Bullshit, the stuff that "erodes trust and drives people apart."

 Emotional Bullshit is also not just the crap between people, it's also the BS we feed ourselves like, "Once I can fit into my skinny jeans, my life will be perfect." or "Once we get married, we'll be happy."

What are the typical motivators behind Emotional Bullshit? To paraphrase Dr. Alasko in more urban speak:

• Having hand ala Seinfeld

• Bogarting importance

• Being chicken shit

• Instant gratification of the selfish kind

• Bailing on accountability

• Dodging people's pissed off or hurt emotions

Been there. Seen that. Done that, huh? You know how some books set a light bulb off for you? This book set off like half a dozen light bulbs for me. It was like winning the answer lottery. 

I can see me & the Ex much clearer now

The book really helped me get some better clarity on why my relationship with the EX was already set up for failure from day one. The issues the Ex and I had could have been workable had we guidance, but clearly given the skills and knowledge we had at the time, I can see better why we clashed and why we had communication issues. The book also helped me gain transparency on conflicts and issues I've had with friends, family members, and colleagues.

The most valuable part of the book is the end where Dr. Alasko provides some exercises on how to help you become better at conflict resolution which really is the solution to eliminating as much emotional BS in your life as possible. Really, I have to say that if you can become better at conflict resolution in every aspect of your life, what a blessing!

The stuff really does work

I practiced one of the exercises with a friend and it was amazing how I got a different outcome than I would normally have gotten using my usual tactics. We all have habits and ways of doing things that may not work, but we still use them because it's what we know. Dr. Alasko teaches you some new approaches that really are easy. You just need to start practicing.

I'd recommend this book highly to those of you who might be in a situation now where you are at wit's end, you're on the verge of a break up, or you're just plain frustrated and tired with a certain person in your life but still want to work it out.

Becoming simpatico with your own BS

Likewise, "Emotional Bullshit" is a valuable book to help you start making peace with your own inner BS. For example, when I applied Dr. Alasko's approach, I stopped beating myself up for my lack of steady income as a failure. Really, this low income state I'm in is a temporary sacrifice and learning lesson for a long term gain.

The last three years has been like I went back to school to get my PhD in blogging and social media. This learning is something to appreciate not berate. The money will come. I'm becoming one of the most skilled and talented in my field. And, soon, I'll be able to once again move forward with some of my personal dreams like owning a house. I can't tell you how much better I feel about things, and it's all because of a simple shift in perception.

"Emotional Bullshit" by Carl Alasko PhD is a must read folks!

Elves and Mistletoe

Now doesn't that sound like a wild party!

Anything Can Happen on the Vent

Lovelies, I need to go clear my head. I mentioned yesterday that I'm going through a very emotional time right now, and I think, no well, I know, it's because I have way too much going on in my head and heart, and that stuff needs to be de-cluttered.

I'm learning to not fight these funky periods anymore because I get that they are just part of my personal emotional wellness process. The key is to keep them focused and under a time limit. This way I can both give myself the space to do what I gotta do, and feel what I gotta feel, and then put a limit on it because as much as boo-hooing and letting your pain express itself is very positive, you also can't let it go on for weeks, months, or years. That is not healthy.

Again, this is why I love being a blogger versus a journalist or writer for a magazine. I can have these funky periods and take a break when I need to. I also can write about it because it's appropriate to my blog topic. One reason you all come here is to see me go through my personal processes too, the messy middles. I always hope that others can learn and grow from what I share.

So, I'm taking the rest of the week off to enjoy the holidays and find some vent to clear my head. I will be posting some on The Everyday Blogger because I find that place is proving to be quite therapeutic. One thing I gotta think about too is Noshtopia. Still don't understand fully what my issue is there. Love it, yes. Mental block, why?

Those of you who watch Grey's Anatomy will get the vent reference. I just really love this scene more because you see this normally overly serious woman turn giddy and childlike. I want to remember what that innocence feels like. Also, at the :12 second mark, that look on Christina's face is me last week.

For those who don't watch Grey's, the clip above is a scene where Dr. Christina Yang is having one of the worst days, and her new love Dr. Owen Hunt (my latest imaginary husband :) takes her to some obscure place in the hospital to help her re-group. The vent is a metaphor, and a perfect one that describes where I'm at.

Thank you again to all of you for your patience and love, and you know I can't say it enough, you my readers are the best gift this blogger could have :-)

Happy Holidays!
xoxo,
Steph

No BOOPy. Let's Talk About Ex's

I know it's Monday, and you were expecting your BOOPy goodness, but sweeties, sorry I didn't feel like it. In fact, to be honest, since you're my peeps, I've had the worst week, my heart hurts like f**k, and my usual perky self is not around.

Steph's inner badass feels beat. I should quickly mention too that even badasses are allowed weak moments. The badass is still human.

One of the biggest advantages of being a blogger over a journalist is the ability to tell your readers, "Yo, I don't feel like it today. I'm cranky and not feeling it." Try saying that to an Editor. And unlike celebrities who issue statements like, "We're doing strong and well." When we know they are not, I'm telling you what's real.

If you're dancing like sugar plums, kissing under mistle toe, and feeling joy to the world. Good for you and more power to you!

I'm in my cave. I'm not humbug so not to worry. I have therapist on speed dial in case, and I have mom and dad to shower me with their special love. I need to just be in the cave for awhile, so please bare with me. I do have Nog and Motown Christmas music, so I'm good. The best gift I can get right now is your patience, and the space to just be, so after this post I may or may not be back the rest of the week. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Over at The Everyday Blogger, I wrote about one thing weighing heavy on my heart, "How Using Social Media to Break News to Your Ex is a Bad Idea." It's about my Ex which yeah, I have not talked about him pretty much since, oh last year when we broke up. I posted on that blog instead of here because the context actually makes more sense there, and it helped me write the story without going completely Super Ex-Girlfriend.

Also, it's not just the Ex, that was more like the icing on the cake. There is a compilation of things. Indeed, times are tough and heavy for many of us. Welcome to one of my messy middle moments, those times between the Before and After of the success story. And when I look at my traffic stats, you guys like the messy middle stories and shower moi with a traffic spike. Thank you!

This is how we find the everyday "heal" in health. Sometimes we just have to hurt, and feel it, and go through the process. I think it is very healthy actually to say it and be with it. Don't get me wrong, I know I have so much to be grateful for, and I know this too shall pass. But, I'm sure even Gandhi and Mother Teresa had shitty days.

I read a quote the other day that said, "You seek specific problems because of the gifts they can bring you." I'm not seeing that at the moment, which is why I believe the universe reminded me, and in turn I'm reminding you.

For the first time in 3 years, I'm also going to close comments on this post, and on the Ex post because I want to try something new. Blog silence. I need to just express and honestly I don't have the emotional capacity for comments at the moment. So again, please not to worry, I'll be fine and thank you for your love and support :)

...Because Bottled Organic Iced Tea and Flowing Lattes Can Make You Giddy

So, this is a special Friday because for many of you this is the last day of work until January 5 because your company is in shut down mode to save buckaroos. I say appreciate the time off and be jolly. Perhaps, you're already nogging it. To recap this week's blogging giddiness:

• When I got off my Diet Coke addiction, I started to drink tea all the time. My favorite, bottled organic iced tea. Here's a list of 10 bottled organic iced teas for those times when you need a drink on-the-go.

• And speaking of whole goodness, here's a list of 50 things at Whole Foods you can buy under $1.50. That's right a buck fiddy. And yes, it's not just tuna and Mac & Cheese. There is meat and cheese.

• A wish that many a blogger have asked Santa this year is how to get more comments. Learn from the master, one of our most favorite healthy living bloggers, MizFit. The woman averages 100+ comments per post and her blog ain't even a year old yet.Utterly amazing! Learn how she does it.

• Another note on MizFit, she is going to donate a Franklin D Roosevelt (10 cents) for every comment on her rhyming Friday post. So, go leave some witty comment and help Miz shell out for a good cause. [MizFit Online]

• Where's the Pro Blogging life filled with flowing lattes, travel to hot spots, and croissants at the cafe? Like Private Benjamin, did I read the brochure wrong?

And lastly, you know I'm a cute kitty sucker. Here's kitty fun in a box. Ya know, we adults can learn quite a bit from a kittehs ability to find joy in the mundane. Happy weekend! I'm finding me a box to slide into.

The Driver's License Photo Experience

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.

more animals