Back in skinny jeans

Dear Steph: Help! My Inner Resistance Monster has taken over the driver's seat

Dear Steph,

I have a more philosophical question about the Inner Resistance Monster. Where does it come from? Mine feels like it's in the driver's seat lately, not the passenger seat, much less the backseat. It feels like it's in charge and despite my best intentions, it's hell bent on cookie binging and making excuses for skipping workouts. Can you discuss where it comes from, what it responds to and of course, how to get it out of the driver's seat.

Heather

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Dear Heather,

Ah yes! Our friend the Inner Resistance Monster. In fact, one way to start achieving peace with your IR Monster is to start looking at him/her as a friend and not a foe, albeit on the surface, it may not look or feel friendly, but really the IR Monster is here to help you grow.

In a nutshell, the Inner Resistance Monster is that part of you that is the protector of your fears. All of us have fears about particular things, and typically fears are related to things like loss, pain, suffering, humiliation or heart break; things typically labeled “bad” that we want to avoid or never experience. Fears are also related to loss of power, control, and the known. If you notice, your fears will typically intensify when you start to venture into the “unknown.”

What is the IR Monster’s job?

Dear Steph: How do I get over my ex?

Dear Steph:

I broke up with my 4-year partner 6 months ago because he didn't want  family/children, and even though I don't want kids right now, I know I do want them in the future. I'm finding it so difficult to get over him, and I think about it all the time. Do you have any advice?

C

Well C,

This is a really good question, and one that I have been asking myself lately too because like you I'm still having a hard time letting go of my ex, and we broke up 10 months ago after 3 years together. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Matt.

The hardest part for me is that my love for him hasn't died just because our relationship did. Like you, we broke up because we had different life goals, but still that notion doesn't change my love for him. I'm one of those people who doesn't fall in love very easily or often, but when I do, it's like roots of a 50ft oak tree: deep and there for a very long time. You have to get a crane to yank those roots out.

At the moment, am I the best person to ask for advice about this very subject, maybe or maybe not? Big sis here is not afraid to not have all the answers. However, the readers here are also very wise and insightful, and perhaps they can give both of us some wonderful helpful advice.

So Back in Skinny Jeans readers, what's your best advice for C and I on getting over our ex's so that we can move forward to new loves?

Thank you!
Steph

Dear Steph: College girl wants to make peace with her body

(This letter was a long one so I condensed it to its main points)

  Dear Steph,

I spent much of my childhood/preteen years insecure about my weight, but when I hit high school, I lost weight and got to be a thin person. Things changed when I got to college, and I developed an awful binging habit. Sometimes it gets totally out of control, but now that school is out, things have calmed down, and I have room to breathe and reassess.

I know what I’m doing is not good for me, but it’s hard, it’s really hard sometimes because I realize that the pressure to be thin does get to me. I used to have totally healthy eating habits, but now I binge and have gained weight and that bothers me. I want to stop the craziness and make peace with my body but, at the same time I also want to be thinner.

So, how can I make a mental 180 going from making my weight and body the focal point of my life to letting go of the weight fixation and making peace with my body, oh and do it while living in an environment where I am (or at least feel like I am) under pressure to be thin from family members, my circle of friends, and yeah even certain stores where you need to be a size too small to look hot in anything.

Signed,
Just a person

Steph responds after the jump...

Dear Steph: What about "Friends with Benefits"

Welcome to the first edition of "Dear Steph" where you my lovely readers get to ask a question, and I will give you my wise sisterly perspective. This is for entertainment purposes only, and you should always seek legal or medical help for serious advice.

Today's question is about "Friends with Benefits." What a perfect inaugural question! The video is 7min because I have a two part answer based on if you are single or are in a committed relationship as I have two different view points on the subject.

Comments are open so please, I'm happy to hear your two cents, just keep it clean and PG-17 friendly ;)