Back in skinny jeans

Quote on play time

Life in poetry: You were born to soar

You were born to soar
But you are a bird with clipped wings
You spend your days sitting at the window watching others soar
You ache and resent at the same time
You glorify others with what you believe to be their beautiful whole wings while spurning what you see as your ugly deformed wings

So you believe you are imperfect
You believe that you are damaged
You believe you are not good enough
You believe that others are meant to soar but not you

When you are not in sorrow you are angry
Depression is also anger turned inwards
You are mad at all the world, at God for the unfairness, the injustice
You were meant to soar but you have clipped wings and it is not fair

But consider this.
Is your anger misdirected?

You were born to soar but you became afraid of the vast skies
You became afraid of what you were born to do
You were born to soar but you became afraid of who you really are
You became afraid to believe that you already have everything you want and need inside of you

It's easier to blame someone or something else for not being who you are
It's easier to blame circumstance for not giving you a fair shake
It's easier to feel victimized than take the power of your life back
It's easier to sit at the window where it is safe than rise into the unknown sky

And while you sit, you believe the untruth over the truth
You sit waiting for something magical to take it all away to make you whole again but that is not how it works and deep down you know this
A part of you is bigger than your fear and it fights for its freedom
And this is your reality and this is the true reason for your pain, your hurt, your misery, your self destruction

But you were born to soar and no matter how much you have been through and wish to go, a part of you remembers this and knows this and this is why you are still here
You have a bigger purpose and despite your fear a part of you wants to fulfill that purpose before you go

You were born to soar and you will once again when you are willing to let go of the fear and become who you are
The reality is that you don't need wings to fly
You were born to soar
Go fly and experience the greatness of the skies once again

Embrace the cool air streaming across your face
Inhale the freshness of the amber sky
Relax in the support of the heavens
For this is where you will find your joy
Being what you were born to do

"Two Tiny Changes": 5 letting go of perfectionism tips + update

Are you working on letting go of your perfectionist tendencies? Yesterday, I spoke of how perfectionism on one hand is really just a fear of looking dumb, stupid, not in control, or failing. Our Inner Resistance Monster wants us to believe that we can't move forward, go for our dreams, or try new things until we're perfect, the timing is perfect, or conditions are perfect.

Some of us will work ourselves to the bone or worry ourselves almost to death because of perfectionism. As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you as many others, that all that work and worry really isn't worth it. In fact, you learn less, grow less, and create a smaller life the more you let perfectionism take over. So, here's 5 tiny ideas to help you to start let go of perfectionist habits.

• Look at your idols, mentors, or anyone you look up to. Do they do everything perfectly? Are they perfect people? No. So why do you expect yourself to live according to standards that even your idols can't? Start letting go of those unrealistic standards.

• Start being flexible and let life flow. Perfectionists have a tendency to be rigid or too controlling in their thinking and behavior and end up constricting life. Endless possibility exists when life flows naturally.

• Flaws and imperfections are what make people interesting. An old mentor of mine shared with me the leather jacket metaphor and how flaws give us desirable characteristics.

• It's okay to not know all the answers and to say so. You are not an encyclopedia or psychic. If you come to a situation where you don't the answer, tell the person you will find out and get back to them. Even experts in their fields get stumped or they have a bad day and can't recall something. It's only a biggie if you make it one.

• Perfect situations and people are boring. Think of the last time you were with someone where you couldn't stop laughing, and you had so much fun that you were bummed the day was over. Was that person a perfect person, did everything right, or was a perfectionist? Did you have your Ms./Mr. Perfect persona on? No. Most often the things we laugh about are the silliness of how things don't work out, how we made mistakes, or how things went miserably wrong. We laugh about oddities, commonalities, and the absurdity of the human nature. What fun is there in life if everything was perfect?

What I did last week:

• I didn't drive anywhere for 3 days in a row in order to save on gas. This was actually a big deal because as a typical Californian, I drive everywhere mainly because public transportation isn't that great, and I live in an area where one bus comes every hour. This week, I'm going to have to start driving with a headset for my cell because today July 1 the hands free law goes into affect here in California.
  

Quote on perfectionism

Tiny inspiring signs: Are you waiting for perfect timing?

One major attribute of "Perfect Girl" syndrome is waiting for perfect timing, meaning you won't start something, end something, or go for something until the timing feels or looks "perfect." There is such a thing as optimal timing but perfect girls are waiting for everything to be right, in alignment, or as it "should be."

The thing is though in reality there is no such thing as a perfect time, there will always be something off, not the best of the best, or doesn't include everything on your list. Oh yeah! You know what list I'm talking about. That list where you've scribbled every criteria that needs to be met before you say "yes" or go for it.

The truth about perfect girl waiting for perfect timing is actually fear of looking dumb, stupid, not in control, or failing. What ends up happening most often is that you can end up waiting for a long time, and stunting your own growth in the process. You can't grow if you don't stretch yourself and that means venturing into the "unknown" where possibility exists. Perfect girls tend to be afraid of the unknown, and will only let themselves stretch only so much.

Those things on your "perfect timing" list are most likely things you know you can nail without a hitch or conditions that you know you can't fail at or make a mistake. They probably include conditions where you surround yourself with other people you know you can do better than, or where at some level you feel better than them. Oh yes, the not so pretty side of perfectionism. Hey, it's okay, not only have I been there, I used to live there a long time.

Today's business card size signs, can help remind you that there is no perfect timing and that indeed there is a difference between having high standards and perfectionism. Later in the week, I'll elaborate more on what those differences are. When I started to learn the difference, my life became so much more real and much easier.

Quote on fear

Before: The "fat" conversations in your head when looking over a menu

A girlfriend and I were having lunch yesterday, and as we looked over the lunch menu we took a moment to giggle, in a "I totally have been there too" kind of way, about how in our old weight obsessed eating days, we'd have these amazingly full conversations in our head while deciding what to eat from the menu.

Today, we are both in good healthy places with our weight/body image, so we can look back and appreciate the humor in the absurdity of our behavior back then. At the time of our distorted eating phase, it wasn't funny, but fast forward after going through therapy and healing, and sometimes you can find the humor in some of the crazy things you did especially when you are in the company of others who have been through the same experience.

What we giggled about was that this entire "fat" food conversation could involve enormous amounts of data and processing yet take place in mere seconds. Here's a sample of what used to go on in my head:

Saving money: How to still get a good workout even if you have to cancel your gym membership

Because of rising gas and food prices, one of the areas where people are cutting back on is gym memberships. But just because you aren't going to a gym any more doesn't mean that you can't still get a good workout at home.

In this clip, a fitness trainer offers tips on ways to workout sans a gym including some equipment to buy and how music can affect your workout.

On a side note, because so many people are cancelling their gym memberships for cost cutting measures, your gym might be open to renegotiating your gym membership to something a little lower because they'd rather keep members versus having none at all. It doesn't hurt to ask.

"Two Tiny Changes": 5 letting go tips + update

Yesterday, the theme of the tiny inspiration signs was "Letting Go." So now, that's sounds like a great idea, but how do you go about taking action on letting go of whatever it is you need to release yourself from? Your Inner Resistance Monster is going to remind you of the fear, the pain, and the uncertainity of everything, but that's okay, that's the monster's job. Your job is to stay focused on moving forward. Here's some tips to start letting go.

• Take 5 minutes, lay down and close your eyes. Ask your Inner Resistance Monster to sit with you and have a conversation about the thing you need to let go of. However, in this debate, you will play devil's advocate. Your Inner Resistance Monster will give you every reason to stay in the safety albeit unhappy state of your current situation. You will come up with a counter reason for each response your IR Monster gives you. After awhile, you'll start to get a better perspective.

• On a piece of paper write down the thing you need to let go of, then take the paper, and rip it up, burn it, throw it into the ocean, or toss it into the trash. The physical act of letting go of even a piece of paper with your issue on it starts signaling your brain and psyche that you mean business.

• Get a piece of paper and write down 3 things that you will gain by letting go. You may think that there is nothing positive that can come out of letting go, but what if someone told you your life depended on you coming up with those 3 positive things. All of a sudden, you'd be able to think of 3 things quickly.

• Go read an autobiography by someone you respect, admire, or look up to. In that autobiography, you will find at least one story about how that person needed to let go of something in order to achieve their dreams, greatness, or goals. No one no matter how famous, rich or smart someone is no on goes through life without having to learn the process of letting go.

• Ask someone, a friend, a family member, or a sponsor to help you. Let them be your guide of objectivity during the letting go process.

What I did last week:

I started letting go of how I'm supposed to get married, and when, where and who my husband will be. Admittedly, I've been kind of freaked out about this for awhile, and turning 40 didn't help much to alleviate that anxiety. However, the advantage of being older, having years of experience dating and spending time on my own self growth along with learning from my friends who've been divorced one-two times, is that I know the more I feel anxious and desperate about the marriage thing, the more I constrict the possibilities and make myself miserable along the way.

For a very long time, I've been fixated on the "why." Why am I not married yet? Why does it feel like marriage is there for everyone else but not me? I used to ponder these questions for hours and days and end up feeling resentful and angry. Last week, I actually came to the conclusion that being single is great too. This was big for me. Being single has many advantages as well and I started thinking about how lucky I am to be single and live in an area where there are many single people, my age, in similar circumstance. I also remind myself that being married doesn't necessarily mean that life automatically becomes "better." I learned that the hard way with the skinny jeans dream, and being in relationships where I felt more alone with my significant other than being literally by myself.

So, for the first time in a long time, I'm okay and happy being single. I don't know why I'm still single, and that is okay. Perhaps, I'm just a late bloomer. Perhaps, my husband is not ready for me yet. Or, perhaps God's answer is simply, "Not yet." In my heart, I know I will be married in this lifetime, and I will have the kind of love I want or something better. Actually, I do know one reason why I'm not married yet. I have always wanted Mr. Right, and not Mr. Right Now, so I've held out. My husband is out there. So, until that time, I will continue to live the happiest life I have now because it's a pretty damn good one ;-)

Tiny inspiring signs: Letting Go

Last week, C asked how she could let go of her ex in order to move on, and many of you chimed in with some amazing advice. Riding on the theme of moving forward, today's theme for the business card size signs is "Letting Go." Print these out and hang them anywhere you need some added reminders.

Whether it's an old love, an unhealthy habit, or old beliefs that no longer serve you, letting go is part of the process that will help you get to your goals and desires for a better and happier life. The challenging part is that you have to let go of the old before the new can arrive, and that means venturing into the unknown. Even though the unknown can be scary, it's also a place of unlimited possibility. Something even better than you could have imagined could happen. You just need to trust the process.

But, letting go doesn't mean giving up. The key difference is trust. When you give up, you have given up hope and trust in the process. When you let go, you still trust that your desire will manifest, it just may not happen the way you pictured or planned, so you surrender to the process, and let go of trying to control the way things should happen. When you stop clinging to an image, you give your desire room to manifest.