Okay, yesterday I put out on this blog some of my dark past. It's one thing to talk about doing something vulnerable. It's a whole other thing to actually do it. I agree that some things should be kept private, but there is also something very refreshing about being open especially about the dark and secret places no one talks about. All the health professionals I have seen tell me it takes alot of courage to face the dark. They are right.
I've read tons and TONS of self help books, which should come as no surprise, and the one thing I notice that is common with most of these books is that when "patients" talk about there experiences, they talk about how they were in the beginning of their healing ie. I'm addicted to alcohol and bon bons, and then what their life is like after the healing ie "Wow, Dr. (insert famous author name) program really helped me. I am now sober, and a healthy weight." The thing that almost none of the books talk about is all the pain in the middle of the healing. With this blog, I will share some of the "middle" parts in my healing.
Those of you who have been through some major healing like surviving a major disease, getting divorced, the loss of a loved one, etc know that the hard part is actually the middle part. The part where you cry, get angry, rip off the bandages, and basically hurt. In order to heal the wounds and get to well being, you have to go through and feel the pain.
If you are in the beginning stages of something major, please include Professional help, than I recommend that you experience your pain, and get it over with. If you don't do it now, you'll have to do it later. Either way, the pain will come out, so my philosophy and experience tells me that it is better to do it now rather than later. If you wait til later, it will be alot messier and alot more work. Most people get sick in the first place because they suppress their pain and keep it in. Over the years, what was not dealt with festers, grows, and eventually manifests in illness and emotional issues. Like I said, do what you have to do, but your life will be a much happier and healthier one if you get your pain out in the open and dealt with.
Any woman over the age of 30 absolutely knows this fact more than anyone. I know tons of wonderful women who are single and have been single for a long time. Whenever a great guy becomes available, he is without a woman for about 5 minutes. Good men get snatched up before you have time to put on your next coat of mascara. Why, because there are far more great women than good men.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am no man basher. I love men, and have great respect for them. But, let's face it, girls become women much sooner than boys become men. Just because you are in a bigger body with more hormones and money does not make you a man. Every woman knows a 40 year old guy with Peter Pan syndrome. How many women do you know who are 40 yet still think they are 25? They exist but in much lower quantities than men.
As soon as a man reaches a fine level of maturity, understanding, patience, and compassion, he is snatched up pronto. This is why women can get really competitive when it comes to good available men, and this is where the sprint to get back into the skinny jeans or the desperation to stay in the skinny jeans comes in. Guys are attracted by physical appearance, and so it would seem that the one with the midriff baring outfits and skinny butt is the one who gets the man. This of course is a powerful illusion we buy into.
Most men I know after the age of 35, say that looks are important in that you have to be physically attracted to the woman, but they have dated enough "beautiful" picture perfect type women to know that looks are not what makes for a caring, sustainable, healthy relationship for the long run. In fact, what's the joy in being with someone who looks like a beauty queen but is so self absorbed and high maintenance.
To all those women who are still looking for Mr. Right, have faith. It may take you longer than you expected, but there is someone for everyone, and it is better to hold out for the good one, than to be with some guy just because you don't want to be alone.
Posted by Stephanie Quilao on Nov 28, 2005 in Skinny commentary & news | Permalink | Comments (0)
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