One of the most vulnerable moments for a woman is the first time we have to get naked in front of a new man. You know what I'm talking about. You meet a new guy, and all is wonderful, and you are going to have sex with him for the first time, which means he finally gets to see you naked. You know he is just salivating in anticipation of that naked moment. You on the other hand probably have a gamut of thoughts running through your head like,"I hope he doesn't mind my saggy boobs. What will he think of my appendectomy scar. My gut isn't flat like the Victoria Secret models will he be grossed out. etc. etc."
I truly admire the women who can get to the point where they feel free to be in their nakedness and are comfortable in their own skin no matter what other people may think. I imagine it is quite a liberating feeling, and one I would hope to aspire to one day. Is it possible yes? Will I get there? I hope so, but I know it will be a hard challenge, especially for a recovering Ms. Perfectionist.
I remember the first time I got naked in front of Matt. It was symbolic on many levels for me because this relationship is also the first one where I have allowed myself to be naked on all levels with him. This is the first relationship where I did not play games to try and catch him. I did not skew the truth to try to impress him. I exposed the deep dark secrets of my past in the very beginning so that he not only got to know me, but also so that he was aware of what he was getting himself into. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just wanted him to know my particular relationship issues and wanted him to be aware of that. There are some men who cannot deal with dating a woman who has gone through rape or have hang ups about sex. It's not to say they are bad or weak as men, it's just what it is. We all have our limits and capabilities.
When I decided to do this "Live an authentic life", it meant having to come clean in the relationship area. In the past, I admittedly lied about many things to the men I was dating. In my head, I rationalized it as marketing. After all, that is what I did for a living, and we all market ourselves so that our target audience is "sold" on our package. When telling my past to a few potential boyfriends, there were some who could not handle it, and then there was someone like Matt who told me that if we ended up getting more serious and then breaking up, for whatever reasons, it would not be because of any of the things from my past. When Matt said this to me, I fell in love with him. Not because I was desperate, or because I figured this would be the only man that would accept me in this way, but because he was able to see behind my walls and see what beautiful things I could offer him. Getting naked emotionally in front of Matt has always been easy.
"A Look at Attitudes Toward the Overweight"
via Associated Press
I saw this article in Yahoo Health News today, and thought it was very interesting. A market research firm, NPD Group, has been tracking people's attitude about Fat and attractiveness for the last 2 decades, and here is the % of people thru the years who responded "Yes" to the question, "People who are not overweight are more attractive."
1985 - 55 %
1986 - 51.2
1987 - 45.5
1988 - 42.6
1989 - 41.9
1990 - 39.5
1991 - 36.6
1992 - 35.3
1993 - 32.5
1994 - 31.5
1995 - 27.9
1996 - 27.6
1997 - 27.8
1998 - 25.8
1999 - 25.5
2000 - 24.3
2001 - 26.2
2002 - 25.5
2003 - 24.5
2004 - 25
2005 - 24.1%
So, just looking at the data without any other knowledge of the factors in the research participants like gender, age, race, religion, economic status etc, it appears that we are becoming less judgmental about someone's weight and their ability to be attractive. This is a good thing.
Attractive is also a relative word. Some people may include personality into the attractiveness equation. As an example, women are more inclined to find a man more attractive once they get to know him. Personally, I used to go after only studly, hot guys, with an All-American look, and now I see that look, and I run in the other direction. Yes, it's judgmental because not all Ken-doll looking guys are a**holes, but my perception is now geared that way. Guys who look like that also spend a great deal of time and effort to have the six pack, perfect do, and pearly smile. I just don't want to work that hard anymore just to stay good looking, and I don't want a man to nag me about that. Yes, it's terrible. I think I will go take my judgmental self out for a mocha with the knowledge that even though I'm having a Fat Ass day, people still think I'm attractive.
Posted by Stephanie Quilao on Jan 18, 2006 in Skinny commentary & news | Permalink | Comments (1)
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