It's been two days since the 167lb shocker, and I am still pretty calm. Yesterday was a real test though because I had a job interview, and one of my interviewees was the CEO of the company so I decided to wear one of my business suits, or corporate armor as I view them. What I love about working in Silicon Valley is that suits here are like antimatter, no electrical charge. However, when you are in marketing or PR it is good to don a suit once in awhile. Typically to interviews here in SV, I wear a pair of black Banana Republic slacks, and some cute yet simple looking button down shirt or wrap around sweater. I am a huge fan of the wrap around sweater because I can create the illusion that I have a waist. That's a big deal for us gals who have the straight boy figures or have the apple shapes.
Anyway, I haven't worn this suit in probably 2 years, so when I put on the pants terror really did kick in. I could not even suck in my gut enough to get the buttons to even touch each other, and boy did I try with Herculean effort. I even did the laying down on the floor thing to get those suckers buttoned. You know how sometimes you can at least get the top buttons to physically touch each other. No matter what I did I had to just accept the fact that there was about an inch gap and beyond getting instant liposuction there was no way I could button the pants. Arrrgggghh!!! Damn you fat!!
To add to the drama, I was running late, and had no plan B for the clothes, so I had to quickly figure out what to do. I took a quick scan of the closet and there was nothing that was CEO worthy, or didn't require massive ironing, so I HAD to improvise. Fortunately, I was wearing a white top that was a thin flowy cotton and had lots of room to expand, so I tucked that shirt into the pants and zipped up as far as it would comfortably go. I then took the remaining flaps of the top part of the pant and turned them inside the pants to create the illusion that the pants were probably buttoned. I then pulled out the shirt some so that the fabric covered my make shift buttoning. I put the jacket on, and that helped hide the view of the stretched out pleats which were not a pretty sight because my gut looked like it was about to bust out of prison. It wasn't the ideal scenario, but I figured it was good enough to last me the 2 hours I was supposed to be there.
When I got to my interview, the CEO wanted to talk in one of their conference rooms which had a table and chair, and then a little lounge area with a couple couches and a coffee table. Wanting the interview to be more like a comfie chat at Starbucks, he wanted to sit on the couches. A part of me was like this is really cool. He wanted to talk not grill. But the vain part of me was worried that sitting on the couch would make the zipper on my pants just bust open, and then I would have a Code Black on my hands. That's really not good when you are trying to impress a new employer. At least when you are sitting at a table and the Code Black happens, you have something to hide behind, and some time to think about a quick rescue plan from the walk of shame.
Luckily for me, the zipper was strong, and held through over 3 hours of interviewing. I enjoyed talking to these people at this company so much that for most of the time I completely forgot about my ticking zipper. And these people were so cool that if a Code Black actually did occur, later on, we would have something really hysterical to reminisce about...."Remember that time when your zipper busted open during your interview....."
LOL