Back in skinny jeans

Food court nirvana interrupted

If it weren't for all the clothing stores at the mall, I'd probably spend most of my time at the food court, or junk food heaven as I like to fondly think of it. The sky is the limit on Cinnabon, Wetzel Pretzel, Wok n' Roll, Hot Dog on a Stick, Mrs. Fields, and let's not forget those  cute ice cream dots. I think the mall planners want you to get sucked into the vortex of the junk food court because they always put the food courts in the middle of the mall, so you have to pass by it at least twice in your trek through malltopia. Then there are always a pinch of other individual food stores sprinkled in between the Gap and Nordstroms loaded with sweet, sugary munchies.

Everytime I go to the mall, my eyeballs get glued onto Cinnabon. My favorite are the pecan sticky buns. Fortunately, at my local mall, there is a women's sport clothing store in the same plain of sight as the sticky bun heaven. As soon as I am tempted to get the gooey bun, I see the mannequins dressed in running or yoga wear, and my brain immediately switches to excercise.

I remember finding out that the sticky pecan delight is 1,100 calories. Quite shocking yes, but when you start to gaze into the silky swirls of icing, and smell the aroma of all that gooiness, your brain starts to create the list of justifications. It will be okay. One bun won't send you straight to the fat pants. Then, you start to think about how long it will take to work off that pecan sticky bun. You did the research. It will take about 2 hours of jogging, 2.5 hours of aerobics, or 2 hours of stair climbing. You start to weigh the options in your head, then gaze back at the sticky bun, options, sticky bun, options, sticky bun.

Oh, oh, okay! I'll keep on walking. Damn that Cinnabon for tempting me! Curses on those frickin' aromatic waves of sticky bun goodliness. However, after my brief rant, I glide pass the Victoria's Secret and Bebes, and feel better that I didn't get sucked into stuffing my face with that sticky bun. I forget that I actually got sucked into another vortex of skinny-itis.

I need a bra for my back boobs

What are back boobs you may be wondering? Those of you who are Apples totally know what I'm talking about. Your Pears have a different kind of nightmare going on down south. And skinny bitches, y'all can go get a mocha lattechino and come back tomorrow.

Back hooters are formed when one big roll of fat oozes out from underneath your bra strap on each side of your back. The back gazoomas easily qualify for an A cup, and in some cases a low B. Contributing to the back boobs torment is the denial that you are in regarding your true bra size. You really should be wearing a 38 or 40, but your delusioned ego just cannot bear to let go of the 34s. I mean you can still get the 34s on. One of the hooks on the last row of your bra strap has fallen out of it's seam, but there's still one hook left, and that's all you need to, technically, keep the girls in tact.

I was so proud the first time I looked at myself from behind, doing the mirror on mirror thing, and saw that I no longer had back tits. Seriously, when you are an Apple, the back boobies are the hardest thing to vanquish. Pears complain about the thighs being the most stubborn fat to go, but for Apples, its the rolls of fat on the back. Even if you finally decide to reality-up and get the correct bra size, the rolls of fat still linger, and you insist that there's got to be a way you could just grab a chunk and yank them off. I swear there are times when I'm running on the treadmill, and I feel the back hooters slapping me in the neck as if to say, "One rack is a party, but two racks is a slobbering, drunk Napolean who wants to slow dance." Soooo not cool.

Fortunately for us Apples with back boob-itis there is a solution. Hallelujah for Spanx! This is one smart cookie. Beyond the scuba suits for thigh, gut, and ass bulge. There are the upper body slimmers for the waist and the back melons. Way cool! Spanx is my roly-poly savior.

Dennis Quaid and Manorexia

Hollywood is such a tough place that even the men get caught into the world of eating disorders. In a recent interview with Best Life magazine, actor Dennis Quaid spoke of his battle with Manorexia during the filming of the 1994 movie Wyatt Earp where he played Doc Holiday who was dying of tuberculosis. Quaid dropped from 180 to 138 pounds to play the sick renegade. Quaid noted:

"My arms were so skinny that I couldn't pull myself out of a pool,"

"For many years I was obsessed about what I was eating, how many calories it had, and how much exercise I'd have to do," he said.

Dennis also talked about how he could only see himself as 180 pounds even though he was actually about 40 pounds lighter. This is what happens to those with eating disorders, they have a very distorted lens when it comes to how their body truly looks.

I found it valuable that Dennis Quaid would talk about his body issues. It's not everyday that you hear a famous male actor known for playing smart-Alec, sorta macho type characters talk about his own personal battle with an issue that mostly affects women. Perhaps, he's showing us more of his sensitive side in his wiser years. Not many men in Hollywood talk about having eating issues, although they do talk a lot about having to be ripped in order to win over the ladies at the box office. However, to bulk up on muscle and look buff, you have to eat. It's still a restricted diet, but consuming plenty of protein filled and green calories are needed nonetheless.

I loved Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy with Ellen Barkin. That movie made me want to visit New Orleans. I find it commendable that he shares with us another view on anorexia, and shows us that this issue is not strictly exclusive to the ladies.

Photo from the movie "Yours, Mine & Ours"

Madonna would've been fat by today's standards

Here is an interesting peek through another celebrity distorted lens, Madonna, the diva we love and hate simultaneously, claims that she would not have become the most successful female recording artist of all time if she had started out today. Madge retorts:

"I would have been too fat… When I started out I was kind of zaftig (Yiddish term for plump). I would have had to get anorexia.

"They would have said, 'She is way too chubby.'"

My initial reaction to Madonna's comments about herself was, "No frackin' way!" Our Material Girl was adorable in Borderline and Like A Virgin. I see no plumpness in our young Madgeness. In fact, I would say that she looked healthier in her Virgin days than today. Her look today is a bit too gaunt for me, and I hope this legendary icon doesn't feel the need to exercise and starve herself to skeletor levels so that she can compete with the young-ens today. Madge has earned a place in music history where her art will be remembered for eons. Proven success trumps skinniness.

However, is Madonna's comments about her zaftigness simply a glimpse into her body distorted view of herself or is there truth in her observation about today's stiff competition to be thinner than the Joneses. Personally, I don't think you have to look like a stick insect to be successful in today's market. Look at Kelly Clarkson. She's no beanpole, and she's got Grammy's and top hits. But, if you look at American Idol a few seasons ago, Simon was lambasted for calling too many girls fat. Do we hate him because he's honest and isn't afraid to say it out loud, or because he really is wrong in his judgment? I think there is some truth in both.

Here's Madge in her famous 1984 MTV performance of Like a Virgin:

Possible genetic link to Anorexia

Here is an interesting article from iVillage about a report on Anorexia having a potential genetic link . The report appearing in the March issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry is written by Cynthia M. Bulik, the William and Jeanne Jordan Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders and director of the Eating Disorders Program at the University of North Carolina.

Imagining Ourselves: A global generation of women

I started thinking more about the things I'd like to write in this blog. It dawned on me that I go through periods where I, like many, get too focused on myself. We get too caught up in "me" and start forgetting that there is a bigger world around us, and that there is more to life than putting blinders on with only skinny jeans in sight.

So, I've decided that I'm going to start including more stories and thoughts that are empowering and celebrate womanhood, and sisterhood. It's still important to talk about the frustrations and challenges whether they are petty or deep, but I don't want this blog to be one big bitch fest where we lament on our thunder thighs and junk in our trunks. I think it's good to see examples of women coming together in positive ways that build each other up instead of focusing on what is "wrong" with us. We get bombarded everyday with messages that point to our not enoughness, so why not counterbalance that with examples where we see women shine in their inner beauty. Getting back in skinny jeans is something important to talk about but we as women are much deeper than that, and I, as the writer of this blog, am more dimensional than I have been showing lately.

With that said, I am going to start off with Imagining Ourselves, A global generation of women. Sponsored by the International Museum of Women, here is the description:

"Imagining Ourselves connects women in their twenties and thirties around the globe, inspiring them to create positive change in their lives, their communities, and the world. Join us for this historic global conversation, including an online exhibit, a series of global events, and a new book."

There are some pretty fabulous things on their website, but basically it boils down to one ginormous conversation with women all over the globe. You discover that no matter what continent you live on, there is a commonality that bonds us all together. I just started my discovery on the site, so I recommend that you go check it out. It's great nourishment for the soul.

Skinny can get you anything

You know that inquisitive question, "Would you rather be respected or popular?" Well, it got me thinking about skinny type questions along that vein, and all my answers came to skinny because if you are skinny, you can get just about anything. Check this out.

"Would you rather be skinny or rich." Skinny because when you are skinny you can become rich as a model/actress/fashionista or rich as someone's wife. Rich guys always want to marry skinny bitches. Even if you are poor and skinny, you can borrow someone else's rich clothes and people will believe you are rich because we are more likely to equate rich people as being skinny not fat. Rich cannot necessarily buy skinny.

"Would you rather be skinny or famous?" Skinny because skinny girls always get attention and can wear cool clothes no matter what their fame factor is. It's much easier to gain fame by being skinny than being fat. If you become famous and you're fat, you're known as "the fat actress, comedian, politician, or (xyz)." When you are already famous but then get fat, everyone crucifies you.

"Would you rather be skinny or immortal?" Skinny because I look forward to going to heaven, and who would want to live eternity as a fat person or having to diet and exercise forever. Brutal but true.

"Would you rather be skinny or popular?" Skinny because you cannot be popular unless you are skinny, and again I would rather be able to wear any cool piece of clothing and look like a walking hanger than constantly worry about how to maintain my popularity.

"Would you rather be skinny or respected?" Now this one is actually tougher. Respect is not always equated with skinny people, in fact, in some cases it can be the opposite. However, it sure is damn powerful and wonderful to be skinny....Hmmm...(thinking)...I'm going to go with respected. At the end of the day, when people respect you, they trust you, value you, recommend you to their friends and family, and listen to you. Those qualities to me are far more powerful than having skinny-ness.

I guess I'm not as shallow as I think I am. However, the force of Darth Skinny is pretty damn strong. Perhaps, Yogurt did teach me a thing or two. In all, there are just some things that skinny cannot get you, but for everything else there's MasterCard <wink>

Heidi Klum is a walking contradiction

Alright, my mother did teach me that if you can't say anything nice about someone, then keep your pie hole shut. However, lately, every time I here Heidi Klum tidbits I get more and more annoyed with this ubermodel.

My irritation starts with this morsel, Heidi gets slammed because she told an 112 lb. contestant on Germany's version of America's Next Top Model that she was too fat, and that designer's only want girls with dream figures. The German citizens were overtly unhappy with the Klum and cursed that her comment was going to turn young girls into eating disorder monsters. I think I would have just pressed the instant delete button on my TIVO. Now, the Klum is bragging that she is addicted to Big Macs. Subsequently, the Klum is in the middle of a two year contract with Ronald McDonald. Here's some pics of das model with grub from Mickey D's. Notice however, that you don't actually see her biting into any Big Macs or McNuggets. We get the illusion of eating, but we don't actually see her in the action of chewing and swallowing.

Well, absolutely fracking not! I'm sorry, but a supermodel eating fast food burgers has got to be the stupidest, lame ass thing I have ever heard of in my eating distorted life. First of all, to wear size 4 skinny jeans, you cannot eat anything other than rabbit food and coffee. If you see a model scarfing down a Big Mac, you know, you just know, that she is only going to barf it up 5 minutes later. All this crap about I can eat whatever I want and still look like a walking hanger is straight up crap. Sorry ladies, but no one is buying it. I can see the Saturday Night skit already, there's Heidi throwing down her Simon Cowell-esque condemnations in her judges seat while she is holding a Big Mac, and taking bites as she continues here rant on this poor wannabe. "Designers only want... (Heidi takes bite of BMac)... girls with dream figures...(Heidi takes another bite of BMac)...and you just don't got it!...(Heidi munches bigger bite of BMac and sips from Coca-cola cup.)

And McDonald's, I know that you got seriously banged up side of the head with an iron skillet after SuperSize Me came out, but honestly, who is going to believe, other than hormone raging teenage boys, that a supermodel includes fast food as a part of her daily regime. Not even in my dreams, where nothing makes sense, would this make sense.

And Heidi, gurl please, I do not belief that you are honestly addicted to Big Macs because you just can't get enough of that secret sauce with those pickly things. It's as obvious as embarrassing panty lines that what you are really addicted to is the bookoo bucks that McDonald's is paying you to pose with all those "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun."

Selling to Boomer women yet no models their age

One of my favolicious business gurus is Tom Peters, and one of the main reasons I dig him so much is that he keeps screaming to businesses that there are two consumer markets just loaded with money, and yet no one is proactively going after them. These markets are women, and Boomers/Geezers. I know in the tech industry, where I work, everything is geared toward the male shopping process. I don't speak geek, I speak Oprah, and if someone could show me or tell me how their technology can help me live my best life, then I'm all over their product or service. Spewing gigabytes, megabytes, and megahertz means ziltcho to me. I have money to spend, so learn to speak my language. Likewise, Boomer/geezer women have got to be the richest cash cow consumers out there because they are buying not only for themselves, and their kids, but for their grandchildren. These ladies are buying for 3 generations of people.They are loaded, so how come no one is desperately doing what it takes to make these ladies die hard customers.

In a post on his blog the other day, Tom asked why last Sunday's New York Times Women's Spring 2006 section did not include one model that Boomer/Geezer women could relate to. I didn't see the newspaper myself, but I could easily guess that it was filled with the typical stick insect, bobble head, walking hangers. Tom wanted to hear from others, women especially, as to why no "older" looking models in that fashion spread. Reading the comments was truly fascinating, but to no surprise, the comments all related primarily to how women (and men) only want to see younger, skinnier models because that is what's prettiest. One commenter even stated that the Dove "Campaign for real beauty" did not set sales on fire because no one was thrilled with seeing "real" women. Ultimately, advertising is about ramping sales, but I believe that Dove is doing a wonderful thing, and setting a beautiful example for other businesses to follow.

Reading through the comments, it honestly pained me when I read other women talking about how they would rather look at a delusioned reality in ads than the real thing. The pain is in the truth of it. Part of me wants to just continue to live in the delusion because if I continue to see other women in skinny jeans, then the fantasy remains real for me, and I can still hold on to hope of "one day" even when I get into my Chrone years. The other part of me wants to get real, rise above the superficiality, and let go of the brainwashed illusion, and feel gorgeous and luscious no matter what size, age, or condition of my skin. The advertisers are driven by what the consumers want to see, which is demonstrated by sales levels, and perhaps all advertisers are doing is reflecting back to us what we honestly believe. We get angry because we don't want to see that in ourselves, but ask yourself if deep down you don't harbor some of the truth of that vanity.

Valentine's hike pictoral

For Valentine's Day, Matt planned a romantic hike and picnic up in the hills near our home. Here's a slide show with my voice describing each picture. I just love cool technology that let's you do things like this. Play the show and enjoy!

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