Now that you have a baby, you get to be a member of the mommy club. And I don’t get to join until I become a mommy too. All of a sudden you have a new bond not just to your baby, but to a whole new group of women who have babies too. You guys have a universal commonality. You are spending more time with other mommies, and less time with your child-less friends. It happens to everyone. You say things will not change that much, or at least you don’t want them too, but realistically they will. How can they not. You life is now about your baby(s) and family. The time you will spend with your single, childless gal friends, especially without the baby, will start to become as rare as Eskimos vacationing in Florida.
As your single friend without kids, I am now mourning a loss, the loss of our time together, the loss of life on a whim. I don’t think you feel the same loss that I do because you are so happy with your new baby. Maybe you do. But, I dare not ask because I don’t want to sound selfish. I don’t want to sound like I’m competing with the child. I’m not. I get that baby changes everything, but I am sad. It is just hitting me that our lives are completely different now that the baby is here.
I feel your absence in the friendship the most when we are out together at lunch. I realize you’re really not present with me because you are preoccupied with the child. Even if you can get a sitter, you sit through lunch like you can’t wait to get back to the baby. You cannot focus your attention on the conversation like you used to. You cut me off in the middle of my story because the baby starts crying. You only catch phrases of my latest work adventure because half your attention is on whether the baby is hungry or poopy or not. You are more animated in conversation when it is about your child. When we plan get togethers it has to be in areas that have playgrounds, stroller zones, and diaper changing stations, which I get, but does it have to be ALL the time. This is not a criticism or a slam on you. It is simple facts. The flow of our friendship has completely changed.
I love your baby, and I am happy that you are a mother. I hope to be a mommy one day too. But, I also am grieving. I am sad that we cannot go to happy hour on a whim anymore. I am sad that I can’t have your focused attention like I used to. I am annoyed because I now feel like the third wheel. I like to hear stories about the baby, but I do not want to talk about it all the time. Does that make me a biatch? Maybe. I know that friendships change and evolve. But, today, I am grieving the loss of our friendship as childless friends.
