From this week's Post Secret, this postcard fits in with the theme of the current National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. To some this is a shocking statement. To many, this is a truth. I can relate to this secret, as many bulimics can. You think you've found the perfect solution. You can eat whatever you want, binge, and then purge it all out.
In a distorted sense of logic, bulimia is better than those lousy diets where you CAN'T eat this, and CAN'T eat that. Diets are full of CAN'T, CAN'T, CAN'T, and you hate that. No one tells you what to do. You love food, desperately actually, but you also love the idea of being skinny so you can conform to the state of beautiness our society has so ingrained into our psyche. But you can't stand the fact that there are foods that are forbidden. You want it all. To eat, and to stay thin.
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Bulimics can hide their issue better than anorexics or binge eaters because nothing looks obviously wrong in your body, so people never or can't suspect. But the thing is that bulimia doesn't always work the way you think it will. You can get bloated.You can't always get ALL the calories out. You lose track of what you ate and what you purged because you've done it so many times on one day.
Towards the end of the day you're tired, you can't think straight, your jaw and throat ache. You might even be worried that you tore your esophagus because you thrust your fingers or toothbrush too hard down your throat that day. Your teeth are starting to get brittle, and your stomach aches like someone has a vice grip on it because you took one too many laxatives this time. It's an ugly and shameful reality of yours. No one knows. At least that is what you believe.
But people in your house know. They eventually figure it out because there are signs. Sometimes, they know and don't say anything. It's not because they don't love you or care about you. It's because they don't know what to say. They feel helpless. They don't know how to bring it up.
Sometimes, they know and will speak up and confront you because they love you and don't want you to hurt yourself anymore. And contrary to what you believe, you are hurting yourself and you cannot solve this on your own. Yes, you may be Miss Perfect to the outside world, but this one you cannot handle by yourself. Trust me.
Accept the help. Take their love and support. Tell them what you need. You know what you need but have been so afraid to ask. You are not alone, and even if you are alone in your own house or family, there are others in the world who do care. That's why places like the National Eating Disorders Association exist. They have information, resources, and most importantly non-judgment. All you have to do is ask.
