My face was puffy again most of yesterday because of spontaneous crying bursts which I suppose is expected in week 1 of breaking up. One minute you're fine, the next second you're wiping the smeared mascara off your face. I pretty much have given up on my usual make-up routine because it just gets washed away from the tears almost as soon as I put the stuff on.
However, the crying spells were not all sad ones about Matt, no, they were tears of amazement and a deep sense of gratitude to everyone who wrote me comments and private emails sending hugs, laughter, support, and stories of their own break-up experiences. The break-up post was so arousing that many of our "lurker" readers came out of the woodwork to say something. I thank you, and am heartened to know that I am helping many of you as that is what I always try to achieve here at BISJ. I guess it's time for me to get some help, and I am overwhelmed by the return of understanding and comfort...Okay, see I'm starting to well-up again.
...We are all connected by spirit which creates commonality ...
All of this amazing response got me thinking about just how connected people are no matter if we know each other personally or not. The blogosphere is filled with an amazing sense of community, and if someone has an experience that others can relate to, well, just watch the conversation and support going. Like many who blog or live online, I have made some pretty cool friends whom I have never met in the flesh. We chat on email, exchange links, IM, and even talk on the phone. But, can you develop a truly real or meaningful or authentic relationship with someone you've never met in person? I say, absolutely!
We are all connected by spirit which creates commonality. As an example, Back in Skinny Jeans has become popular because so many women can relate to having a pair of skinny jeans just sitting in her closet that she can't part with because dammit! one day, "I will be skinny and wear these jeans again. Just you watch!" It's the dream we can't let go of, not the actual pants, and many of us share that dream.
As with breaking-up, everyone, and I mean everyone has a break-up story and experience of their own to share. This is one reason I think women have a healthier time in healing from a break-up than men because we share our story and our emotions more openly with other people. We almost talk our feelings to death, but in the end what we are doing is experiencing the feelings so they can move on. I'm so appreciative to hear so many people tell me to feel all the hurt, angry, and disappointing feelings that come with parting with a love. Karate kicking the punching bag til I can't breathe counts in that too, eh?
It's painful now, but in the long run, I know the pain will come to resolution much faster if I let my feelings come out as they are instead of heading to that box of Ding Dongs for foodatherapy. Although, you gotta admit that 7-Eleven doesn't look so bad during a break-up. Getting a blue tongue from that Slurpee has gotta help put a smile on your puffy, "blood vessels in the eye popped cuz I cried too hard" noggin.
Today, I start moving into my new apartment, and Matt is helping. Well see how that goes. *sob*
Philippe Mora, a friend of a friend, is an Apple lover, and was shocked to find that his iPhone love does cost a thing unlike what J. Lo said. Philippe works in tech and travels internationally for business so because he was so excited about having this "made in heaven" gadget phone he used the device like he normally would plus more. No biggie right? Wrong! Here is the summary page of Philippe's bill. The whole bill is posted on his blog CEO Fast Track.
When I look back at my parents relationship, I can name at least two times when I thought for sure they would get divorced. I'm sure if you ask both of them they will tell you that there were probably dozens of times in 42 years of marriage when the conversation of separation came up. But, no matter how bad things were, my folks worked things out and not only are they still together after my Dad's 23-year Coast Guard career which had us moving every 3 years, 3 kids, 3 grandchildren, and over 4 decades together, they are happier and stronger than ever. But, in order to have what they have now, they had to go through some really tough times, the kind that break most couples up.
When I think about my parents and their secret sauce for marriage longevity, the key to their success has been patience. Yes, they communicate and take the commitment vow seriously but they are patient with each other, and wait a very long time before making any major decisions that will affect the family. Living in an instant gratification society, I often wonder how much the divorce rate and break-up rate would drop if people stopped focusing on "I can't wait. I gotta have my way now."
And, I'm not talking about couples who have been together 10 years or more or where there is some kind of abuse going on whether it be domestic or substance, I'm talking about your average couple who have been together less than 5 years, and want to bail because the relationship is not going the way or at the pace they wanted it to. The want to break up because their spouse is not living up to their immediate need for benefit. A relationship involves two human beings who are imperfect and grow and change.
Sometimes if you just wait things out and work on it, the situation can get better. An example is like adolescence. Parents don't give up on their kids just because they are going through 5-8 years of challenging self discovery and growth. What if people just had more patience with each other? I think we'd see more happier relationships that weather time.
Posted by Stephanie Quilao on Aug 27, 2007 in Skinny commentary & news | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Tags: divorce, marriage, relationships
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