Captain's Log: 03202008 Day #17 of 30 Total Walk Time: 15 minutes
Ok, I only did 15 minutes but 15 is better than zero, no? I woke up in a major funk not just because of the insomnia thing but because I don't know. You know how funk just seems to crawl up on you without you noticing first thing in the morning. You just wake up feeling the funk. You're not depressed, but not happy. You're not sad, but not glad. You don't feel yucky, but you're not tiptop. It's almost like your stuck in a pergatory of beingness. That was my morning.
This week has been a unique flavor. I had dinner with Matt last night and dinner a few nights ago with Mustang (I'll call him that since that was the car he drove when we dated in college). It was kind of ironic because Mustang was my first boyfriend, ever, and he was the one that de-flowered me in the biblical sense. We had a very tumultuous relationship, and we broke up because I basically caught him in bed with one of his co-workers, and he started dating her before he broke up with me, and even took her out with our friends. Oh yes, all the friends knew before me. Yeah. REALLY bad. Consequently, he married that woman and they are still married with a kid.
How we turned all that around and became friends once again really is a story of miracles which I can elaborate on later on. But for now, I'll just say this. People, okay what I really mean is guys, dudes, men, can change and they can express regret, sorrow, and ask for forgiveness and mean it. It took years, but Mustang kept at it and as we both matured and he proved that he genuinely meant it when he told me that I have always been someone important to him. He just didn't know how to do it when he was a stupid mixed 20-something as he put it. It is because of Mustang that I pursued my design career when my folks were trying to pressure me to be a doctor.
Mustang and I ate at this Clay Pot place where you have to literally cook your food at your table. It was actually quite fun although my hair was filled with hibachi smell when we left. Later we hung out and chatted about life, the fond parts of the old days, and I showed him my vision for my blogging business. We met as 20 year olds and here we were now hanging out as 40 year olds. It was a great trip between the past and the present.
Last night, I had dinner with Matt because I had some mail from what used to be our place (he still lives there), so he swung by after work and we ate Japanese. Now, Matt and I share this South Park adolescent kind of sense of humor and when we got to this restaurant we couldn't help giggle like two 13-year-old boys at the name of the place. What we saw was Fuk-U-Ya! So yeah, we have sophomoric humor.
We had a great time, laughing and giggling, and catching up on our daily lives. It felt like the early days when we started dating. I've been wondering if one of the reasons I've been having insomnia is because I really miss being with Matt. I really miss having him in the bed next to me keeping me warm and safe. I always slept soundly with him in the bed.
So, dinner with two ex's within a few days of each other was on one hand really weird, but also really kinda cool. I'm actually friends will all my ex's except for one, which I take as a testament that my relationships with these men, although they did not work out romantically, really were based on a solid foundation of friendship and mutual admiration. Now, I just have to find the one where I can have both that solid foundation and the til death do us part. I really would love that.
