Back in skinny jeans

Vogue likes science fiction and makes Gywenth Paltrow a space alien in couture

The design department at Vogue must have been so proud of themselves with that Drew Barrymore photoshop of horrors that they decided to do it again, only this time with Gwyneth Paltrow, and this one is even worse. You take a naturally beautiful woman and turn her into a Frankenphoto. Wonder if Anna Wintour is giving anyone gold stars for their reality distortion?

Perhaps, Vogue thought that since Gwyenth's new upcoming movie was Science Fiction that we would believe the science fiction that is photoshopping. I mean look, Gwennie's head is trying to make an outer space landing back onto her neck. Her back arm looks like a space station leg, and that skin. I'd say she borrowed that from Number 6.

I kinda like that idea though. Vogue is really science fiction.

Nosh bites: The fattest fast food burgers over 1,000 calories

For your continued healthy eating pleasure from Noshtopia:

This is how fat burgers are getting. I compiled a nutritional breakdown listing the fattest of the fast food burgers which contain over 1,000 calories. I found 17 burgers that contained over 1,000 calories, and believe it or not McDonald's doesn't have any. The fattest burger was 1,420 and 108g of Fat. With this burger, you'd be eating more fat than your average one stick of butter at 90g of Fat.

Here's my review of Whole Foods 365 Fitness Water in Acai Berry flavor.

Here's a snack idea: Blood Oranges and things you can do with them.

Your Two Cents: A kid's book that explains Mommy's plastic surgery: Yay or Nay?

Coming out this Mother's Day is a children's book called "My Beautiful Mommy", the brainchild of a plastic surgeon, to help mother's explain to their kid's about the plastic surgery mom is going to get.

On one hand, I can see how this book is a reflection of our times, and how it could be helpful to explain to young Johnnie and Jane why mom is all bandaged up, and why she has a different nose or chest. I mean, how do you explain plastic surgery to a 5-year-old?

On the other hand, book's like these could also teach kids that plastic surgery is normal and that they should expect to have work done on themselves one day after they have kids or because they can't live with the looks they have. I can easily see a child justifying in their head, "Well, if mom had work done, then why shouldn't I?" This is just potential breeding ground for body image issues. But, time for you all to weigh-in....

Your Two Cents: Is a children's book that helps to explain Mommy's plastic surgery a good idea or not?

Fantasy: Eat 1,100 calorie burgers and look this hot in skin hugging jeans

Since I'm talking about the fattest fast food burgers over 1,000 calories over at Noshtopia, it reminded me of that commercial awhile back that Carl's Jr did to promote their Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger.

The video featured a young girl in skin tight jeans and a midriff bearing tank top riding a mechanical bull to the song,  "Slow Ride" while taking seductive bites from her 1,130 calorie Western Bacon Burger. At the end, flashes the words:

Eat right.
Exercise More.

Yeah right, in some jacked up Tarantino movie. I remember totally laughing at the absurdity of this commercial. Sure, this is some guy's fantasy of women, but it's total and complete illusion. This commercial really put me over  the cranky edge because of the health/fitness reference at the end. They should have just left it out. Pushing the association of beauty with fast food is about as believable as pills that will melt away your muffin top.

For real, only in fantasyland or distorted-eating-land can you look that hot and eat a 1,130 calorie burger and not gain weight. Oh how the twisted fantasy of fast food advertising amuses me sometimes. Not!

Quote on body respect

Weigh-in Wed: Rebounding from the insomnia weight gain

In today's video, I talk about what I've been doing to get back on track after the 6lb weight gain I mentioned last week because of the wicked insomnia spell I went through in March. I discovered the primary source of how I gained that weight in a short period of time, and what I'm doing to shed it. (video 2min. 33sec.)

On Oprah, Mariah Carey's weight loss is more important than beating Elvis

Did any of you watch Mariah Carey's visit on Oprah Monday? I love Oprah and Mariah, but honestly, this show made me way cranky, and where's why.

Mariah Carey has a new album E=MC2, her 11th, that came out yesterday (April 15) and she has 18 #1hits now beating Elvis Presley putting her at #2 only three hits shy of tying with the Beatles who are at #1 with 21 all-time hits. zOMG! Mariah is sandwiched between The Beatles and Elvis. How unbelievably amazing is that?!

BUT...

The first thing that Oprah and Mariah have to talk about for 9 minutes is how Mariah lost weight on her "morsel diet" with her French trainer/personal chef who likes to feel up Mariah's midsection like a fine piece of work. Upon her entrance, Mariah does a full body twirl so we can see the "whole package" and then had to throw in the fact that at 38 she can now fit into the same size jeans she wore in 10th grade.

HOWEVER...

I just don't get why Mariah's weight loss had to take center stage above her new album, and the fact that she has become #2 of all musical artists. Mariah has more #1 hits than the King of Rock-n-Roll. Fuckin-ay! That should have been the very first thing they talked about, followed by her new album, and THEN her new fit body.

Now, I'm not a total shrill about Mariah being able to wear her high school jeans again because hey, that's what I talk about all day long here getting back into the skinny jeans. I am very thrilled for Mariah for reaching her weight goal. However, I was dismayed by the fact that she was motivated to skinnify because someone famous told her that she needed to drop weight from her non-existent fat body. I'll just let that one go for now because the Thin-before-Talent thing irks me far more. I just don't think her wearing the skinny jeans again is more important or that significant compared to surpassing Elvis.

This is just more evidence that no matter how worldly successful and accomplished you are as a woman, the first thing that matters is your looks followed by your accomplishments. Of course, it's not always the case, I'm generalizing, but Oprah's show is highly influential. See why I'm cranky.

Mariah talks about this new album as part of her continued emancipation of Mimi, which is supposed to be some female empowered thing, but she is so obviously not emancipated from the grips of "Thin." And Oprah, at the beginning of the day it's all about the ego of thinness and then at night class we're onto a New Earth where we are supposed to let go of all material and ego-based attachments to become more enlightened humans. Am I the only one who noticed that?

Save $$ April 15th: Whole Foods pays sales tax in certain locations

Many of you are busy getting your taxes done and mailed off today, April 15. If you live in Northern California or Reno, NV, Whole Foods is going to pick up the sales tax. Yup! You get one day to go crazy at Whole Foods and not pay sales tax. That's 8.5% for some of us.

If you don't live in these areas, check with your local Whole Foods anyway. Doesn't hurt to ask. I just happen to see this special deal at my local store when I went to go indulge at the salad bar for lunch yesterday.

"Two Tiny Changes": 5 exercise tips + update

Since I talked yesterday about how to help yourself get motivated when you don't feel like exercising, today, I thought it would be good to offer up some exercise related tiny changes tips.

If you're like me, the Inner Resistance Monster really kicks in whenever workout time comes around. I workout in the mornings, so it's so easy to want to stay snuggled under a warm duvet for another hour instead of hitting the treadmill or weights. But, we need to get moving if we want to feel healthier and slimmer.

• This week, increase your cardio time by 5 minutes each workout. That extra 5 minutes can burn anywhere from 20-70 calories depending on what kind of cardio you're doing. Over the week, burning those extra calories each workout will add up.

• Have you been eying a new piece of cardio equipment like the Precor AMT or weight machine at the gym but are afraid to try it out. Why not let your curiosity win over your fear. Ask one of the gym staff to show you how to use the machine, as they will be happy to show you. It's not a bother, and they can show you the proper way to use it so you don't hurt yourself.

• If you typically only do cardio and no weights, take one day this week and do weights. The important thing is to just start. Vice versa if you are heavy on the weights and low on cardio. Balancing out cardio and muscle building makes your body a better metabolizing machine. {I personally need to work on this one as I'm cardio queen.}

• A good workout doesn't mean that you get to eat more afterwords. If you're trying to shed pounds, you still need to be conscious of your food. If you are in a plateau at the moment, try food journaling for the week or a few days to see where you might be overdoing it food-wise.

• Add two new songs to your workout music. That's about 10 more minutes of workout time, or two new songs to break up the music rut. Here's an iMix of songs I've been listening to lately.

 

Things I did last week:

• I drank only 2 Whole Foods sodas last week. Lately, I've been having one a day, and that has been adding to my growing muffin top.

• I really wanted some bread and wanted to buy a loaf of Pugliese, my favorite. Instead, I got some mini whole wheat pitas and ate them with hummus. I got my bread fix without eating way more carbs than I needed.

Quote on fitness from JFK