Back in skinny jeans

He's back: Where the hell is Matt dancing in 2008?

Remember that guy who does YouTube videos of himself doing his dorky white guy dance in cities all over the world? Where the hell is Matt? Well, his latest adventure is out now, and like all his other videos this one is a winner. I so wish I had this guy's job.

What's cool in Matt's latest video is that he has far more company with him. It really is amazing how something as silly as the white man's over bite dance (ala When Harry Met Sally) can bring people from all corners of the world together in love & joy. Goes to show that we are all not that different. This video so warmed my heart, and you will enjoy it too. Keep on dancing all over the world Matt!

Tiny inspiring signs: Are you waiting for perfect timing?

One major attribute of "Perfect Girl" syndrome is waiting for perfect timing, meaning you won't start something, end something, or go for something until the timing feels or looks "perfect." There is such a thing as optimal timing but perfect girls are waiting for everything to be right, in alignment, or as it "should be."

The thing is though in reality there is no such thing as a perfect time, there will always be something off, not the best of the best, or doesn't include everything on your list. Oh yeah! You know what list I'm talking about. That list where you've scribbled every criteria that needs to be met before you say "yes" or go for it.

The truth about perfect girl waiting for perfect timing is actually fear of looking dumb, stupid, not in control, or failing. What ends up happening most often is that you can end up waiting for a long time, and stunting your own growth in the process. You can't grow if you don't stretch yourself and that means venturing into the "unknown" where possibility exists. Perfect girls tend to be afraid of the unknown, and will only let themselves stretch only so much.

Those things on your "perfect timing" list are most likely things you know you can nail without a hitch or conditions that you know you can't fail at or make a mistake. They probably include conditions where you surround yourself with other people you know you can do better than, or where at some level you feel better than them. Oh yes, the not so pretty side of perfectionism. Hey, it's okay, not only have I been there, I used to live there a long time.

Today's business card size signs, can help remind you that there is no perfect timing and that indeed there is a difference between having high standards and perfectionism. Later in the week, I'll elaborate more on what those differences are. When I started to learn the difference, my life became so much more real and much easier.

Nosh bites: Top pesticide contaminated fruits & veggies, Tuscan cantaloupe, and male model sandwich

Over at Noshtopia for your eating wellness enjoyment:

• Here's a list of some of the most pesticide contaminated fruits & veggies at your average supermarket. If you can, try and buy the organic versions of these produce.

• This is one of my favorite all purpose seasonings for every day cooking: Trader Joe's  21 Salute. It's like a cross trainer shoe of spices.

• Owen McKibbin has been on the cover of Men's Health magazine 15 times, more than anyone in the history of the magazine. Watch him make the kind of sandwich he would eat. Plus yeah, there is some simple man-joyment ;)

• Have you heard of the Yacon, a fruit from the Andes in Peru which is loaded with fiber and is pretty low on the sugar. Dried Yacon is a great snack for the sugar conscious and diabetic.

• Need a quick non-meat protein dish that requires no cooking? Try this Butter Beans with cherry tomatoes, red onion, and red wine vinegar.

• This is one of my absolute favorite summer desserts: Tuscan cantaloupe with agave nectar on top of organic vanilla bean ice cream. Oh so yummy!
  

Jenny Craig ads are coming down

Some of you have been asking me "What's up with the Jenny Craig ads? You said you don't like their program, and now you're supporting them. Huh?"

I just noticed the ads today, and have asked my blog advertising network to take them down. I didn't realize Jenny Craig ads were coming into the inventory so that's my bad for not staying on top of that.

You are correct, I'm not a fan of paid weight loss programs that rely on you eating their packaged foods in order to reach your goal. I'm okay with Weight Watchers because they at least teach you ways to eat in the real world, their WW branded food is not mandatory for success, and they have the support groups which I think is very important when working on achieving your health goals.

In my eyes, Jenny Craig is a short term solution which requires you to rely on their packaged foods for success, and for some people that's okay. I'm more for programs that will teach you life long and long term solutions eating every day healthy foods in the real world, creating support systems, and exercise.

One of the core reasons I started Noshtopia was to start teaching people about wellness through food, and to give up "diet" foods and diet mentality. If you clean up your eating, learn portion control, and learn the emotional reasons behind your eating habits, good health is available to you which includes a slimmer healthy figure.

Gotcha! Jezebel'€™s Matt Damon Snap Judgement was really a Rorschach test

Yesterday, I pointed out my disappointment in Jezebel's treatment of Matt Damon, and I got an email from Anna Holmes the Managing Editor of Jezebel. As a heads up, the email address was not Anna from Jezebel.com but a generic email so worst case it could be some imposter just trying to provoke us. I doubt it but who knows. For point's sake, let's assume it's really her. So, ala Gawker Media style, I am going to share Anna's email because it will shed more light on their position.

Stephanie,

I just read your post and of course, I see your point (you were not the
first to say it) but I have to say that your and other readers' reactions
aren't giving us much credit, if any. In fact, I find it
interesting/annoying that most people immediately assumed that we were
referring to Matt Damon's weight when, in fact, that Snap Judgment was, in
essence, a Rorschach test: would the readers think we were referring to the
state of Damon's body? Or perhaps his awful haircut and/or pervy moustache??
The result is that people (including yourself) jumped to the "worst", most
obvious conclusion - that we were referring to Matt's weight gain. Don't
think I didn't think all that through before the post went up, despite the
"Snap Judgment" title of this post!

You are entitled to your opinion, of course, and I appreciate the work you
do on your site but I'd urge you to consider that we're smarter than that,
that the headline was PURPOSEFULLY vague for reasons of brevity, homage,
and, most importantly, provocativeness, i.e., to see what people assumed we
were referring to. Looks like we got an answer.

Anna

--------

So, my emotional Snap Reaction to Anna'€™s email was, €"Oh dim us who didn'€™t give Jezebel more credit. Well thank you for enlightening me and making me feel small in the process. But aw, that was so nice of you to let me know you appreciate what I do on my blog."

In all fairness, I did point my finger at Jezebel, and Anna has every right to defend and explain the actions of her publication, and equally point the finger back at me. So be it. I understand that this is part of the game when you push the envelope. I decided to sit on this for some time to think objectively, and even put myself in Anna's shoes, to try and see her point of view, and even wait to see if they would let everyone else in on their Rorschach test. I am not afraid to be wrong and admit so if that is the case.

After much thought, in this Matt Damon case, Anna and I are going to have to agree to disagree. And although I do find the social experimentation angle fascinating indeed, the execution of this particular test was poor taste and damaging body image wise. But that could just be me, so let's see.

In my opinion, the context in which Jezebel wrote that post was no different than one of the popular girl€™s in high school girl doing this on her locker.

It's not smart, funny, or provocative. It's hurtful.

So now, let us put Anna in Matt's shoes.

Let's pretend that the picture is of Anna in her bathing suit after gaining some weight. So now, would you feel okay about this Anna if we did what you did to Matt? This is not offensive right? I am using similar "brevity, homage,and, most importantly, provocativeness" that you said Jezebel was using.

And just to show that I'm willing to be spotlighted as well. Here's a picture of me, last year 25 pounds heavier than I am today. But let's just say it's recent, and it's a picture of me having just gained 25 lbs for a movie role. Everyone is used to seeing me hot and slim, but now I'm 3 sizes bigger.

Now bloggers attack popular girl because they are offended after making the assumption that Stephanie is not doable because she gained weight because perhaps she eats too much sweets like the cake in the picture. But popular girl says, "Why do you assume we are talking about her eating just because there is a cake in the picture. Maybe we think she's sexually un-desirable just because of that ugly Gap turtleneck and Aqua Net big hair that reminds me of a bad White Snake video.You people don't give us enough credit for challenging your beauty assumptions." You may not be talking about my weight gain but you are still ridiculing me for being sexually undesirable. Who wants that, and how is that not hurtful?

Now, let's say the popular girl who did this to us gets called into the Principal's office and explains, "Well, principal, you're entitled to your point of view, but geez, you don'€™t give me any credit for being thoughtful about this. I just wanted to do a Rorschach test to see how people would react. See how people assume the worst. It just annoys me."

Principal says, "€œInteresting point. So, I am curious. Explain to me how you would feel if someone did this to you, and then said classmate justifies, '€˜What makes you think this was about you and your weight. It's not personal. I was just doing a social experiment and you had the best unflattering picture to get the most revealing reactions from people in a brief provocative way. See, I got my answers. I should get an A on my paper now."

That student only cares about getting a good grade even if it means hurting and embarrassing someone else in order to get it. Does that reasoning make these actions right or justifiable? To me, no, and that is what bothers me the most about this Matt Damon Snap Judgement piece is that Jezebel wanted to make a point at the expense of putting Matt Damon, in an unnecessary humiliating position and say it's not you it's us the readers and our short-sided interpretation. And then, you go back about your business putting out post after post highlighting how the media, institutions, and cultures put women in humiliating, embarassing, demeaning, and belittling positions. It's not right like you said in January. I'm just highlighting the same injustices and putting Jezebel on the same high bar you would like us to see you on.

 

Calling hypocrisy: It's okay to call male actors "fat" but not the ladies

Here's a different kind of double standard. Matt Damon has gained weight for a movie he is filming now, The Informant, and somehow it's okay to call him fat and a fat geek without sending the Internets into an uproar like what happened with Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt.

"But Steph, that's different. Matt got fat for a movie. He did it on purpose, and he is fat. Tyra and Jennifer are not fat they just gained a little weight and it was mean."

So, why should it be any different male or female to call anyone "fat" on a media site because they have gained weight for whatever reason? Let's take this example, Jezebel says, "We Are Definitely Not Fucking Matt Damon" and puts up a picture of Matt in swim trunks where he has obviously gained weight, and looks un-doable to the fat critics because he's doesn't have a Jason Bourne bod anymore. Yeah Matt has gained weight but he's no Jabba the Hut.

Now, what if a shot of a heavy Charlize Theron when she gained weight for her Monster role went up on Jezebel and read, "We Are Definitely Not Fucking Charlize Theron." Commenters from around the land would be spit firing and vilifying Jezebel. But here's the thing, they would never do something like that to Charlize but yet somehow they found it okay to do it to Matt. That is so grossly two faced, and really to me it is no different than what the blogs did to Tyra Banks.

Seriously, Jezebel needs to put themselves on their own MissDemeanors list but for MisterDemeanors, for being jerks to Matt and eating their own hypocrisy sandwich. How can you preach about how the media is mean to female actresses about fat issues, and then turn around and be mean to a guy because he's gained weight for a movie role. And in January, Jezebel, didn't you announce a policy where you said, "We take special care not to criticize the weight, wrinkles or cellulite of the women we feature" because you said that it is considered girl-on-girl crime? But now, it's okay to criticize the weight and get Perez Hilton-like if it is a man? What you did to Matt is equally "not right." 

And I'm also pretty shocked that PopSugar called Matt fat since PopSugar.com started because of her love of all things Matt Damon, and they would never label any female celeb, "Fat but still powerful." With that same headline you could swap out Matt's picture for Oprah's, and if they did that watch the shit storm hit the fan. But again, Pop would never do that to a female actress.

I'm shaking my head in disbelief here. Thoughts people?

Dear Steph: Help! My Inner Resistance Monster has taken over the driver's seat

Dear Steph,

I have a more philosophical question about the Inner Resistance Monster. Where does it come from? Mine feels like it's in the driver's seat lately, not the passenger seat, much less the backseat. It feels like it's in charge and despite my best intentions, it's hell bent on cookie binging and making excuses for skipping workouts. Can you discuss where it comes from, what it responds to and of course, how to get it out of the driver's seat.

Heather

----------------

Dear Heather,

Ah yes! Our friend the Inner Resistance Monster. In fact, one way to start achieving peace with your IR Monster is to start looking at him/her as a friend and not a foe, albeit on the surface, it may not look or feel friendly, but really the IR Monster is here to help you grow.

In a nutshell, the Inner Resistance Monster is that part of you that is the protector of your fears. All of us have fears about particular things, and typically fears are related to things like loss, pain, suffering, humiliation or heart break; things typically labeled “bad” that we want to avoid or never experience. Fears are also related to loss of power, control, and the known. If you notice, your fears will typically intensify when you start to venture into the “unknown.”

What is the IR Monster’s job?

Photoshop diddy: That don't look like no Justin Timberlake

Givenchy doesn't want to be left out of the photoshop til you drop game, so they took their stab in these new ads featuring Mr. Bringing Zexy Back. The photo-franken looks like a young Dylan McDermott mixed with some Shia LeBeauf. JT is a fine young man au natural. I really don't get the need to retouch him.

Quote on fear

Before: The "fat" conversations in your head when looking over a menu

A girlfriend and I were having lunch yesterday, and as we looked over the lunch menu we took a moment to giggle, in a "I totally have been there too" kind of way, about how in our old weight obsessed eating days, we'd have these amazingly full conversations in our head while deciding what to eat from the menu.

Today, we are both in good healthy places with our weight/body image, so we can look back and appreciate the humor in the absurdity of our behavior back then. At the time of our distorted eating phase, it wasn't funny, but fast forward after going through therapy and healing, and sometimes you can find the humor in some of the crazy things you did especially when you are in the company of others who have been through the same experience.

What we giggled about was that this entire "fat" food conversation could involve enormous amounts of data and processing yet take place in mere seconds. Here's a sample of what used to go on in my head: