A girlfriend and I were having lunch yesterday, and as we looked over the lunch menu we took a moment to giggle, in a "I totally have been there too" kind of way, about how in our old weight obsessed eating days, we'd have these amazingly full conversations in our head while deciding what to eat from the menu.
Today, we are both in good healthy places with our weight/body image, so we can look back and appreciate the humor in the absurdity of our behavior back then. At the time of our distorted eating phase, it wasn't funny, but fast forward after going through therapy and healing, and sometimes you can find the humor in some of the crazy things you did especially when you are in the company of others who have been through the same experience.
What we giggled about was that this entire "fat" food conversation could involve enormous amounts of data and processing yet take place in mere seconds. Here's a sample of what used to go on in my head:
Okay, what can I have that doesn't have gobs of calories, carbs, or fat
No
No
Oh hell No
I should eat salad. What do they have in salad? Oh, nothing looks good. I'm so damn tired of eating spinach and ice burg. So okay, today you get to splurge, well splurge a little but not too much because you have that family thing next weekend and you want your tummy to look flat in that sun dress we just bought on sale at Macys.
No
Nope
Maybe if I ask for the soup version versus the fried
No
Only if I had the metabolism of a Brazilian model which I don't so pass
Uh-uh
Possible,
if I make myself go workout an extra half hour tonight AND do weights.
Man, I wish had Gabby Reese's abs. She's got like the best abs in the
world. I bet she doesn't eat this stuff.
No
zOMG! I'll gain like 10lbs if I just eat one of those.
Why can't they make this with non-fat milk instead of condensed milk or better yet rice milk because I'd like to avoid cow milk, and I hear soy is not so good for you, so rice or maybe even almond would be cool.
Oh! I'd really love to eat that but that's a no-way food because it has trans fat, and carbs made from white wheat not whole wheat, but I haven't had that in a really long time, so just this once would probably be okay, and plus I know my girl here likes this too so if we split the dish then it won't be so bad because I'd only be having a couple bites and then I can just do 10 minutes extra of cardio and don't have to do the weights.
But now I see this thing, and this is forbidden too because I've been trying to do the no gluten thing but have been really failing at it because I love the bad bready stuff so much like that bread pudding my co-worker brought into the office yesterday.
Damn! That reminds me I ate too much of that bread pudding, and didn't make up for it during my run today because I got up late this morning. But oh how I love the crunchy sweet of that dish. So, maybe I'll get this and then skip dessert all together because I'm still getting something sweet, and then add on kickboxing class later tonight after I do my cardio.
But then this place has my favorite dessert and girlfriend and I always get the xyz dessert so it's like tradition, and I can't break tradition because it's comforting and fun, and it reminds of the times we used to eat this dessert and talk about cute guys. Oh, those days were so fun and carefree.
Okay, focus, you gotta pick something. Pick something fast, yet healthy, and that won't make you want to purge later or make you feel like your muffin top has grown two sizes.
Okay this.
No, this is better
Okay no, back to that
That's it. This will work and I'll just eat half and take the rest home for takeout.
[To waiter:] "Yes, hi. I'll have the Won Ton Soup. That's it. Thank you."
Tomorrow, a sample of the conversations I have in my head today.
