Back in skinny jeans

Book preview Single Sashimi: Successful, Hot, Sharp yet in need of healing. Sound familiar?

Today, some sunshine in my life, good friend, Camy Tang guest blogs to share with us a preview of her third book, "Single Sashimi." Our heroine on paper has a life that most would envy, and yet she is in need to heal a part of her that is deeply wounded. Yes, this is almost like reading my autobiography.

Actually, I do have a credit in the book for helping Camy with some background information about the technology industry where are heroine roams. Welcome Camy!

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Many times, we can’t move forward in life until we undergo some type of healing from our past. It doesn’t necessarily mean healing from some horrific abuse or devastating tragedy. Sometimes it’s healing from something small but significant.

I just finished reading Sunset by Karen Kingsbury. The core of the story is redemption. Things coming full circle.A couple on the brink of divorce has to undergo healing from something in their past that they thought they’d already dealt with. The man had to earnestly and honestly seek forgiveness for an act of selfishness.

It seemed like something trivial until the man realized that his actions had deprived his wife of her last words to her father and caused her tarnished reputation among her friends and family. Once they could face that moment and forgive, their rocky relationship came full circle and they could move forward toward healing.

In my latest novel, Single Sashimi, my heroine seems to have everything—great job, fabulous looks, sharp mind. But in the end, it doesn’t mean squat because she never found healing for that hidden part of her soul—the part she never shows to anyone, the part that’s so tender and vulnerable that she never risks being hurt again.

 When she has reached the end of herself, when she’s forced to hold that delicate part of her and face the pain and find healing, that’s when she’s finally at peace.

I don’t know anyone who’s had a completely pain-free life. Some people might have more pain than others, or different types of pain.Also, people are different. An event that might cause pain to one person might not cause pain to another. Just because you’re hurt by something and someone else isn’t doesn’t make your pain any less valid. 

But everyone can find healing so they can move on. The key is to pinpoint what you need healing from. Friends and family can help. Maybe your church or pastor. Or maybe just your own intense reflection, being honest with yourself. 

Whoever you turn to, seek healing. It will probably be painful, but it’s like ripping off a bandage—it hurts for a while, but then it’s better to expose the wound to light and fresh air. So it can heal. So you can heal. 

I’m praying that all of you reading this will find your healing. Come visit my website as I'm throwing an exciting contest right now. I'm giving away ten boxes of books and 30 copies of, Single Sashimi.

Maintenance mode: Recovery is a journey not a destination

In today's guest post, Jen from Semi-Charmed Wife shares with us her story of recovery from "refunding" and anorexia, and what those EDs really meant to her. I remember back in my late 20's my friends and I would call bulimia the "debit and credit" diet. It's interesting how money terms can be used as metaphors to describe eating issues. There's kind of a synergy there I suppose.

Jen's blog is a great place to hang out because like me she focuses on the bigger picture of life, and that our experiences both good and painful are here to help us grow and evolve. Jen likes to help others find their life purpose and live their dreams. In the process, she shares her own experiences of finding meaning and passion in this place called life.

Jen shares with us today when and how her eating disorder issues started, and how over a 10 year period she has come to a place of recovery that can be an inspiration to others.

Update: I'm so excited! Jen's picture is highlighted in a NYTimes article about the BlogHer 08 conference. Woo-hoo!

Healing beginnings: How blogging can help you heal from an eating disorder

Today's guest post is from Melissa, who is in her late 20's, and has decided to use blogging as a way to help her and others in her journey to heal from disordered eating. Back in December of 2007, I linked to Melissa about her story of the changes her body went through after going off the pill which indeed included weight issues.

Her blog, Tales of a Disordered Eater, is one month old, so she is in the very beginning of her blogging journey. I wanted to feature her blog because Melissa is a good example of how to use blogging to start coming out about healing from an eating disorder. What I think is very healthy is not only is Melissa honest about her feelings and struggles, but she also shares some of the great moments in her life like this post, "On Top of the World," about her trip to Peru and hiking in Machu Picchu. The picture of her on the mountain is magnificent.

In this guest post, Melissa shares how she first came out to her family and friends about her eating disorder and why she is blogging about it, and how coming out to them has made her feel.

Overcoming agoraphobia, panic attacks, and losing 50lbs in the process

Today we have a guest post from friend Maria Lemus who blogs at Sex and the Beach, a blog about a single woman's guide to chronic living in Miami. Maria is a kindred spirit and one of the most amazing people I have the pleasure to call friend.

In terms of healing, Maria deserves a gold star, as her story is inspiring to others who have suffered from agoraphobia and anxiety attacks. In one year she went from not being able to leave her home to now going out every day to enjoy the sights and sounds of Miami, and in the process, she lost 50lbs without dieting.

***

I was driving along, minding my own business, when I
suddenly felt disoriented. My heart started racing. My
hands and legs shook uncontrollably. I couldn't
concentrate. I was afraid I was going to lose control of the car.

I'm dying.

Or am I?

No. I'm in the throes of an anxiety attack, which is a
physiological reaction to stress called the flight or
flight syndrome. My body has just released adrenaline
because it thinks it's being chased by an elephant, when
in fact, those elephants are really just my heart's way
of telling me to listen to the grief that lingers like
hazy background music I no longer hear: that background
being the beating of my heart.

The heart's beating: that constant reminder of why I am
here and what I am doing about it.

But I don't know this yet.

I don't know that I'm not having a heart attack. I don't
know that I'm not going to die. I don't know that millions
of others also suffer from anxiety attacks.

No, I know none of this.

And because I'm so afraid that this crazy, unexplainable
crisis will ever happen again, I become afraid of driving.

Then it happens again. And again.

Oh no, not again.

Eventually, I stop driving. I stop walking. I stop
moving. And even though my heart still beats, I stop
living.

I become agoraphobic and life goes on permanent hold ...

Anxiety disorder (the sudden onset of anxiety attacks)
and agoraphobia (fear of being outside of your comfort
zone when an anxiety attack occurs) happened to me
several times in my adult life. The last time it
happened, I said: ENOUGH.

***

I’ve come a long way in one year, but the process of
transition started long before. In 2005, I embarked on a
relationship with a man that was very challenging. Note
that I say challenging and not damaging, because I refuse
to consider myself damaged goods – far from it.

This man was the worst thing that ever happened to me,
but in some ways, he was also my best teacher, because
the relationship forced me to evolve into the woman I am
today.

Not only was this man psychologically abusive and
manipulative, he also raped me and violated me physically
in other ways.

At the beginning of the end, I developed severe anxiety
attacks, which eventually dragged me into agoraphobia. I
would have a difficult time leaving the front door of my
apartment for nearly three years. I was literally
paralyzed in fear, handicapped by it, stunted, and
seemingly at the time, forever held back from life.

Reminder: All health and fit bloggers, share your story on Back in Skinny Jeans

This is a reminder to submit your health & fitness story by the end of this week. Are you blogging as a way to help you create a healthier or slimmer you, and would like to share your story on Back in Skinny Jeans? Well, now is your chance! For the week of January 21, 2008, I'm going to have a "What others are doing to get healthy & fit" themed week featuring people who blog about their efforts and personal journey. Here are the details:

Submission due date:
January 18, 2008 midnight PST
Use the email address in the "Story Tips & Contact" page

Criteria:
You blog about your health and fitness efforts, insights, or tips. Your blog must be at least 3 months old so visitors have content to peruse. For those of you who just started, don't worry, there will be more opportunities to come. I'm looking for people who are personally working on getting healthy. If you are a trainer, doctor, or any kind of health/fitness professional, I'll read your story only if it's about your own personal experience getting healthy not your business. This is about people inspiring and helping others through their own stories. This is not a marketing or sales push.

What to submit:

• Blog name
• Blog url
• Your name or blogger name (Whatever name you go by online)

• A picture of either yourself or a snapshot of your blog header: A .jpg or .gif file no more than 200 pixels wide or 200 pixels high @ 72dpi. If you don't send the right size image, I will not use your submission. Sorry to be tough but I can't work on everyone's images.

• Your niche Your niche will help make it easier for people to identify with you. Examples: Post pregnancy, Trying to drop over 50, 100, xyz lbs, Diabetic, Specific Weight Loss Program (ie. Weight Watchers, Atkins etc), Heart disease, Over xyz age, Single & Ready to Mingle.

• Your health goal: Let's focus on your main goal

• Your story in under 300 words. As like the picture requirement, if you go over 300 words, I will not use your submission, so please make sure you stick to under 300 words.

• What one thing has helped you the most in working towards your health & fitness goal. Keep it to one sentence.Your answer can help others in the same boat. Keep it to one sentence.

• What one thing you would like more help with. Keep it to one sentence.This is an opportunity for you to get some help or answers from others.

Getting healthy and fit is so much more fun and easier to stick to when you have support. The intent behind sharing our stories is to help each other, inspire each other, and to help keep you focused on achieving your goals. So get your submission in!

A guy's two cents: Throw away your skinny jeans ladies

Blogger: Gal Josefberg
Blog: 60 in 3

I love this blog. Steph always has interesting subjects and a wonderful way of discussing them.  However, there's one thing I never understood, why "Skinny Jeans"?  Why are women so preoccupied with being skinny?  Do you really think men are out there thinking to themselves "oooh, look at her jutting collar bones and perfectly defined clavicle.  That's sexy!"  Believe me, half of us don't know what a clavicle is and the other half is too busy staring at your cleavage to notice your collarbones.  Yet for some strange reason, women have become focused on this idea that skinny means sexy. 

I find this odd because I always thought looks were something we use to attract each other.  Now I know who I'm trying to attract and it's women.  So when I consider how I look, I ask a woman.  Women however, don't ask.  Rather than asking your target audience (which is us men for most although not all of you), you allow TV ads and magazines to tell you what you should look like.  Which is fine I suppose if you want to attract TV ads and magazines but not so good if you were hoping to attract us men.  So let me enlighten you on what men find sexy. (more after the jump)

Video post: Why wait til you're thinner to live your back in skinny jeans life

Blogger: Flabuless
Blog: Finding Flabuless

Flabuless comes to us from New Zealand, and she is on a journey to shed 158 pounds from a high of 334. So far, she has said goodbye to 93 of those extra pounds. Yea for her! In this video post, Flabuless shares with us some of the nuances of being a fat woman (she has no problem with that verbage) and of how she isn't waiting until she gets to her goal weight before she starts living her back in skinny jeans life.

Happiness and Beauty Start With You

Blogger: Maria Palma
Blog: Beauty is Within plus a whole bunch more blogs

Accept yourself for who you are… In a world where value is placed on how you look and what you wear, it can be a challenge to try and “fit in”. However, did you know that your beauty and happiness start with you?

I am always in awe of nature and all the different types of flowers and trees there are on this earth. Nature comes in all shapes and sizes - just like humans. How could we judge nature and say that one flower looks more beautiful than another?

So, why would you want to look exactly like someone else? Don’t you want to have a unique beauty just like every flower on this earth is a unique beauty? What can you do get away from this idea that you don’t look good enough? Here’s my answer…

Stop watching all those music videos and stop looking at all those magazines with celebrities in them!

Okay, maybe this is hard for some of you. You’re addicted to magazines like US Magazine or OK! You have to know what the celebrities are wearing and all that juicy gossip. However, I’m here to tell you that this is detrimental to your self-esteem! You look at these magazines and think that these people are the norm. You want to look “normal” just like them - but what is normal anyways? You think that you will be accepted by society if you look and act like these celebrities. Maybe you think that your knight in shining armor will magically show up if you were skinnier or prettier or had bigger boobs.

Sorry, ladies, it just doesn’t work that way.

You will never be truly happy in life until you can accept yourself for who you are. You cannot depend on outside circumstances to make you happy. Happiness and beauty start with you!

Fair society: Beauty and culture

Blogger: Anonymous cool blogger pal of Steph's
Blog: Anonymous Blog

"Three months ago Gul Zam poured petrol over her body and set herself alight. To her it was the only way out of a marriage so abusive that her husband Abdul had beaten her until her clothes were soaked in blood." Excerpted from this article: "They'd rather die: brief lives of the Afghan slave wives."

I read that article a few days ago and, honestly, it's the reason I haven't had an update all week. My thoughts and worries are petty compared to what those women are having to live with day in and day out.

I know that women in highly oppressive cultures ultimately learn to adapt and live within the small bounds they are given. I  find it insulting that women are just expected to adapt to whatever repressive position in society that men think is appropriate. This behavior goes on throughout the world. Women are at the mercy of men to tell other men not to beat them or rape them or trade them for a bigger house.

I have an engineer friend who decided to go to the middle east for a project at work (she's braver than I . I  opted out of this round). I've been collaborating with her daily (for the project), and her impressions and perceptions of life in a strict Muslim country riddled by terrorists is fascinating. (more after the jump)

Building new habits means believing in yourself

Blogger: The Pound Slayer
Blog: The Pound Slayer

In the early days of bridge building, step one was to fly a kite from one side of a ravine to the other. Builders on the opposite side would catch the kite, ground it, and tie the end of the string to a slightly thicker string. The builders on the first side would then pull the new string across the ravine, tie an even heavier string to it, and reverse direction. This process continued until they had a cord, a rope, a chain, and eventually a steel beam across the ravine, strong enough to support the workers and their tools.

Two weeks ago I had very little faith in myself. I had terrible habits- overeating, sleeping in, neglecting my commitments- these habits bullied me, tossed me around like a rag doll. On the evening of Sunday, July 29^th my perspective changed.

I was talking to a friend about how hard it was to get into a healthy groove. Then I heard myself say something that triggered a paradigm shift: "Well I don't believe in myself anymore, so maybe if I promise you I'll go for a walk tomorrow morning, I'll actually do it."

I had broken so many promises to myself that I no longer had any faith in "me". (more after the jump)