Back in skinny jeans

Getting Through Tough Times By Asking a Different Question

Just in my own personal circle, many I know are going through some pretty tough times dealing with things around money, relationships, health, and life purpose. Many are asking, "Why?"

• Why am I having a hard time making money?
• Why am I going through this pain?
• Why can't I make {insert your thing} work?
• Why can't he/she just love me and be there for me like they used to?

If you are experiencing anything like this right now, I just want to take a moment to tell you to hang in there. Remember that famous saying:

"This too shall pass"

I know it sucks. I know you feel lost and confused. I know you are frustrated. I know you feel like you're at the end of your rope. I can relate to this because I've been experiencing much of the same thing myself. Just to share some of my "Whys?"

• Why am I soul rich yet cash pinched at this time?
• Why does my Ex get to be with someone new already and not me?
• Why do trashy, snarky gossip blogs and sites that focus on what's wrong in the world get way more traffic than blogs/sites that are positive, uplifting, and helpful?

Over the holidays, I got to such a point of anger and frustration that like in true soap opera form, I threw everything off my desk, and screamed "WHY!" looking up the sky. Later, with hot tears rolling down my face, I curled up in fetal position wrapped in my down comforter and cried myself to sleep. I was so exhausted.

A couple of days later, I realized I got to that boiling point because I have spent too much time focusing on the "Why" and feeling like I was getting no answers. That train of thought just keeps you stuck in lack consciousness, what you don't have, what is not right, what is not fair. When your head gets there, it's so easy to slide down the "Why me" hole.

Put yourself back in the driver's seat

The better question to ask is, "What can I do?" Asking that question puts you in a state of action and possibility. You start to feel some power again because your telling your brain, "Give me a to do list. Give me actions to get what I need." Focusing too much on the "Whys" can make you feel helpless because there are some whys you may never get an answer to, or your answer may not come for a few years, or you may hate the answer you get. But the point is your still not moving. Things are not changing. You're still in a holding pattern.

For example, I wanted to know why it is that my Ex can meet someone so soon after our breakup and be living with her already. "Why?" It's been making me feel a myriad of feelings from discouraged, hurt, and dejected to pissed off, good riddance, and resentful. And all of these feelings are very normal because that's why it's called a break up, something is broken up.

But staying focused on the why and holding onto that frustration is not going to bring me what I really want, and that is a new love. Perhaps, that is one reason why I'm still single and the Ex isn't. He has let go, and I haven't, or he's rushed into something new while I took the time to heal and not drag in old stuff into the new. Who knows.

Instead of wondering "Why" about the Ex anymore, I've started to ask, "What can I do to find myself with a new love?" See already, the energy has shifted. I don't have solid answers but I'm filled with possibilities, and the feeling that I can start doing something to change my current situation which is being single dreaming of imaginary husbands like Dr. Owen Hunt.

For my real husband to show up, I need to start taking actions, and the first thing is to let go of the Ex, and I mean really let go of him and our past. Going to the Philippines with my parents last week, really helped me get some new perspective.

If you're going through a tough time right now, just hang in there. Reach out and ask for help and support even if it is something small like getting an extra hug for the day or having a nice chat with someone who brightens your day. Instead of asking, "Why" start asking, "What can I do?" Has that strategy ever helped you in your life?

Working The Arms To Hold You Physically and Fiscally

I'm handing over the mike today to the fabulousness of MizFit.

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We've talked before on Skinny Debt Diet Fitness Days about using exercise as a way to reduce stress to even places like the bank. We've also discussed how, by working on our physical core, we feel stronger spiritually and emotionally as we strengthen our center or foundation.

This week we are focusing on building up the arm muscles as an avenue to far greater gains than a leaner, meaner physique. We are also talking about a means to "hold" oneself up.

When I lift weights I know that I'm not, in that moment, thinking about how I'll look in my sleeveless top, but focusing upon how powerful I feel.

When I lift weights I know that I'm not, in that moment, ruminating on boosting my metabolism and shedding fat, but on how I am growing stronger and *bigger.*

How, as a result of my iron hoisting, I now take up MORE space in the world.  How I'm far less likely to be ignored or overlooked.

Through weight lifting I have shed my insecurities and become more empowered in all areas of my life.

I trust my instincts more, I speak up without fear, and I have learned that saying NO and setting boundaries isn't going to cause the world to come to an end.

For me weight training is about being heard, feeling empowered and knowing that I am capable.

This all starts with a strong core and radiates outward (and upward and downward) from there.

Today we're working the arms so that we know, without question, we can carry all that life throws our way.

For the triceps: (From Steph: You MUST watch this tricep video because midway she does this crazy strong thing with feet on table and arms on chair. I was absolutely blown away by this woman's strength!)

For the biceps:

For more, fitness goodness, visit Miz at her home, MizFitOnline, and wish her a happy 1st blogabirthday! She's giving away some very cool gifts to visitors this week for her blog birthday bash.

Is the Sky Really Falling?

For today's Skinny Debt Diet Feelings portion, we have guest blogger Lance from Jungle of Life. If you do not have Lance's blog on your RSS, then you need to add it now.

Lance is one of the most uplifting bloggers that I have the pleasure of knowing. His blog just exudes positive vibes and goodness. Seriously, I'll pop in just to bask in the positivity.

Today, Lance gives us an excellent exercise in perspective when it comes to our money and how we choose to see our life.

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Stock markets plunge!  Automakers want bailout!  Financial markets in ruins!  Layoffs abound!  Recession is worst in decades!

Like the darkness of a looming thunderstorm, the stories being painted by our local news, by our national news, by our world news – is depressing, riddled with gloom and doom.

Is the sky really falling?

Maybe you’re facing reduced hours at your present job.  Maybe you’re recently unemployed.  Maybe the business you’re trying to start is having a hard time building the equity it needs.  Maybe you’re doing okay.   Maybe, maybe, maybe…

These are uncertain times we’re in.  These are days that can challenge us in ways we’re not used to dealing with.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results." ~ Anonymous

Is there a silver lining? 

Maybe…

Maybe…it’s your choice, tough.  You CAN choose the life you desire.  That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.  That doesn’t mean you won’t stumble along the way, or want to turn around and go back.  What it does mean, though, is that you are choosing.  You are being the “you” that you desire to be.  You are living authentically.  You are seeking your life’s purpose!

This is the time…NOW…to really look within.  Take some time to evaluate where you are in your life. 

• Do you love the work you’re doing?
• Are you genuinely happy?
• What is it that really, deep down, excites you?
• Do you love the life you’re living?
• What are your real passions?
• How can you use these passions?
• Do you find purpose and meaning in your life?
  

We’ve all been given one shot at this life we’re now living.  You.  Me.  Everyone.  How do you want that life to be defined? 

If you’re at a point where you dread Monday, and can’t wait until Friday – then the time to ask these questions is now.  If you’re unemployed, or underemployed, and thinking about new directions in your life – maybe out of necessity – then the time to ask these questions is now.  If you’re going through life on auto pilot – then the time to ask these questions is now.  If you’re happily employed and yet, have never really thought about these questions – then the time to ask these questions is now.  If you’re alive, yet not really “fully living” – then the time to ask these questions is now.

Today Is Your Day

Don’t wait.  Next week will turn into next month.  Next month will turn into next year.  And next year will turn into a pipe dream that never happens.

Don’t wait.  This is YOUR day.  This is YOUR life.  Seize the moment!

Eat Healthier and For Less With Dinner Parties Instead of Eating Out

The most active discussion over at our Skinny Debt Dieters Group over at Wesabe is "Could you NOT eat out at restaurants for 30 days?"

That's a good question to ask because eating out is one of the top areas that suck the cash out of our bank accounts, and adds to keeping or getting to the healthy weight. Just as a small example, in cookies alone, I calculated that I had spent $40 at the Whole Foods bakery in December. Yeah...just for cookies. I know. That's an Internet access bill, phone bill, or credit card payment. I was eating one cookie like almost every day as cookies are my vice. And yes, we've cut that down significantly.

Eating socially and cheaper in the comforts of home

One of the best suggestions that has come out of the Wesabe group is having dinner parties. People have been telling their friends and family that they can't eat out like they used to so they can save money. Many people eat out not just for the convenience but for social needs. However, you don't need to eat out to still be social and have bonding tine with the loved ones. Welcome to "Come eat at my house!"

Lots of people have been doing rotating meals at their house amongst their circle ie. One weekend dinner is at Jenna's house. Next weekend is at mom's place. This Friday is at Jim & Lucy's house. You can do a theme where everyone brings a dish for a buffet style, or the host does all the cooking. I really love the idea of the rotating brunch and dinner. Here's an easy fun theme:

Put A Filling On It {chime in melody Put A Ring On It}

For "Put A Filling On It", you'd have stacks of tortillas corn and wheat, and then everyone could bring a different filling for the tortillas. It's like a taco or wrap buffet basically but with some creative non-traditional fillings. Tell people to get creative and/or give them specifics like someone brings a meat filling, a vegetarian/vegan filling, a dessert filling.

To spark the imagination:

• Fajita'd chicken, beef, tofu, shrimp, or scallops.

• I like doing salad tacos.

• Foodie MattBites likes to put crazy cool things in tortillas like: hot dogs & sauerkraut, Chana Masala, and Peanut Butter, Banana & Honey. See the rest of his tortilla gallery it's amazing!

• Here's Butternut Squash tacos with black beans from digginfood.

• Vegan friendly crunchy blue corn chickpea tacos from Veggie Terrain.

• Here's a gluten-free crunchy pesto, bacon, smoked turkey with lettuce and tomato wrap from Karina's Kitchen.

• From What's For Lunch Honey, this looks so divine to throw on a tortilla: Figs, pear, and bacon. I'd try prosciutto.

So what other fun, creative things have you thrown on a tortilla? I could see "Put a Filling On It" night not only good eating for cheaper than a restaurant but really fun and creative. I can see the kids doing gummy bears with cheese pizza :-D

Building Emotional Currency

On Fridays for the Skinny Debt Diet, we address feelings, and I thought a good topic to bring up is the building or eroding of emotional currency in our relationships with others, whether it be loved ones, friends, colleagues, or even business.

It is true that most of us have emotional bank accounts with those in our lives. For instance, we make deposits like when we tell someone we are proud of them or when we cheer them on in the rain during their first marathon. We make withdrawals like when we forget an anniversary or failed to meet a promise we made.

Over time, we keep mental balance sheets of the emotional currency in our relationships, and because of that some relationships increase in value or depreciate in value. And in longer term relationships, there will indeed be times when you just might have to take out an emotional loan like when you are going through a really hard time such as divorce, death, bankruptcy, illness, or recovery. And likewise, those who have built up their emotional currency with you, you most certainly would give them the same loan.

True emotional currency is not about payback or "you owe me", it's about balance, mutual giving and receiving, and respect. When you respect others and yourself, you have the means to be very rich with the things that matter: love, truth, and joy. There is always plenty to give and share.

Here's some ways you can start beefing up those emotional accounts with others:

• Never underestimate the smallest of gestures like a simple "thank you, I appreciate what you did, or I just called to hear your voice." Even something like sending a text or email could brighten someone's day because it showed you were thinking about them and cared to take action.

• Cook for someone. I believe that food is a way to anyone's heart. I don't know one person in the world who does not love the idea of someone cooking them a meal. Breakfast in bed will score you extra points. Guys (XYs) take note as Valentine's day is coming up, and making your lady breakfast in bed would be a major score! You just might even win a love lottery.

• When someone is sick, bring them some soup, offer to visit them if they are at home or in the hospital, or ask them if they need anything. They might not need anything at all but mentally it's very comforting to know that you are willing to be there if need be.

• If someone you know is training for a race whether it be running, walking, kayaking, or biking, etc, on race day be at the finish line to cheer when they cross the line. Seriously, this is a HUGE, MONUMENTAL thing you can do to rack up the emotional currency because those of us who have been the racer LOVE that someone was there to see us in our accomplishment. We put so much blood, sweat, and tears into training that it means the world to us that you are with us at that final moment; crossing the finish line.

• Say "I love you" just because. I really don't think you can say "I love you" too much, but you can definitely say "I love you" not enough. The I love you thing includes your friends. I've been making it more of a point to tell my friends that I love them and appreciate them because man, I surely don't know where I'd be without them. And vice versa, when my friends tell me they love me, watch my face light up.

Building emotional currency in your relationships is one of the best ways to become truly rich in life. Can you share something you did recently that built or created emotional currency with someone in your life? Personally, I'm always looking for new ideas :)

Lunging Your Way to the Bank

For January, MizFit becomes our official fitness guru for the Skinny Debt Diet because well not only does she have arm muscles I just so envy, she is holistic in her approach to wellness like yours truly.

Working on strengthening your leg muscles will not only help boost your body's fat burning capabilities, it will help you feel like you have some "strong legs to stand on", metaphorically, and indeed this stronger feeling will make it easier for you to feel more empowered when dealing with your finances.

In today's fitness video, MizFit demonstrates how you can burn some calories, save on some calories, and even de-stress while going to the bank. Oh yeah, it is possible to multi-task so efficiently!

If you liked this calorie burner, here's another exercise video at MizFit Online on finding ways to do lunges in creative places, and another lunging exercise with tips on proper lunging form using a kitchen towel. Yes, it's amazing how you can get creative exercise in with common kitchen items.

Who Knew Personal Finances Could Be So Sexy and Fabulous

Today, for Finances day on the Skinny Debt Diet, I have dived into the world of the personal finance blogs and wowza, there are some pretty cool, and hilarious bloggers out there. Really. I got totally sucked in people, and now I'm hooked.

It's so refreshing to go to sites that speak human instead of bank. These blogs are warm, fun, joyful, and most importantly provide very good information. You will find a wealth of information. Check out these 10 blogs that caught my eye. I have no doubt that there are many more fantastico personal finance blogs.

• Fabulous Financials - “the journey of a 30-something fabulous single mom pursuing financial independence.” I need to have Cosmos with this woman.

• Budgets Are Sexy - J. Money says, once upon a time, "I" *thought* i was The Man when it came to money."  That was until he and his wife bought their first house. This guy is pretty funny, and I love how uses the word "sexy" in his blog.

• Give Me Back My Five Bucks - This young lady is still in college yet in 10 months she has managed to eliminate $17k in debt from her shopaholic days. krystalatwork has a size zero debt! Very impressive. She is tracking the building of a retirement portfolio and a travel fund. I love the blog name.

• Thicken My Wallet - Fat is good when it comes to wallet size. This blogger is a recovering lawyer turned entrepreneur earnestly trying to thicken his wallet. Great attitude about life. Here's a great post on what he learned about personal finance in 2008. My favorite line: "character is enduring- and people remember what you did when the times got tough."

• Over the Cubicle Wall - This is a relatively new blogger, 5 months, but the writing here is like chatting with a friendly co-worker at the water cooler, and indeed, he does work in a cubicle. How many of us can relate to that? {raises hand} He's a 30-something and "working towards a goal of financial independence, with the option of an early retirement somewhere between the ages of 40 and 45."

• $5 Dinners - Erin has a family of four to feed: her, hubbie, and two boys. She has what she calls an "unnatural need" to make meals for under $5. She "races through recipes and numbers as I go through the grocery store, wondering 'can I pull off that meal for less than $5?" And you know what, she's got some really good ideas, and pretty healthy as it would be very easy to eat lots of processed foods and starches when we get that frugal. She even has a Gluten-free section.

• Shrinkage is Good - Love this blog name! This is the company blog for BillShrink, a free, personalized savings service for everyday services like wireless and credit cards. Normally, I think many company blogs are boring, sorry companies but ya are, but this one has quite a unique personality and wow some really helpful tips like, "Top 12 Coupon & Discount Websites - Because Paying Full Price is So 1999." The Editor of Shrinkage is Good, also blogs at his own place Stop Buying Crap, and yeah, the content is just as personable as the blog name.

• The Simple Dollar - Trent was born into poverty, got some money of his own as an adult but then had a complete financial melt down in 2006. A husband and father, enough was enough. He was so determined that within eight months, "I had paid off all of my credit card debt, paid off my vehicle, and also established an emergency fund." Nice! Trent is a really good writer, and a favorite at Wesabe, our Skinny Debt Diet community partner.

• Well-Heeled With a Mission - This 20-something has a good head on her shoulders as she balances living well in her means without having personal finance make her miserable as she puts it. Indeed she is into shoes. Wellheeled has been navigating the quarter life, and been blogging for over 2 years now. Her motto:"Experience, not stuff." I like it!

• Make Love Not Debt - This blog is as uplifting as the name. Money is one of the biggest relationship stressors, and this engaged couple shares how they are making more love not debt. They are saving for their wedding, they paid off all their debt in 2 years, and they even found a creative rated PG way to make money by having sex. On the Skinny Debt Diet theme of being fit physically and fiscally, here's a great point about "The Cost of Good Health."

So, there you have 10 personal finance blogs I thought were very cool. What personal finance blogs have you read that you enjoy and find very helpful?

10 Ways to Eat For Next to Nothin' and Win Some Hummus in a Tube

For this week's Skinny Debt Diet Food tips, here's, "10 Wedding Crashers-like Ways to Eat For Free for Next to Nothin." Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson crashed weddings to get women, well wouldn't that same strategy work to find food to eat? It has for moi, I have no shame in saying.

One of the 10 tips:

• Find bars with happy hours that serve food. If you can get a plate of chicken wings and quesadilla pieces for just the price of a spritzer or beer, wouldn't you? Your best bet are the bars at the nicer hotels as often they put out food to keep their hotel guests happy and coming back. You can just pretend you're staying at the hotel. If you're single, you just might even meet someone "special."

And speaking of free food, win Some Hummus in a Tube

Last week on Noshtopia, I did a review of Wild Garden's Hummus in a Tube which my friends is one the most brilliant ideas. Well, the folks at Wild Garden want 10 of you to experience the gloriousness of their hummus in a tube. So awesome!

And here's some quickie info on the hummus:

Wild Garden™  Hummus Dip is an all-natural and vegetarian trans fat free garbanzo bean based dip made with a unique process to eliminate preservatives and unnecessary additives. Wild Garden™ Hummus Dip does not require refrigeration until it has been opened. A convenient 35 calorie/serving snack can be lots of fun!

To enter to win the Wild Garden Hummus in a tube, tell me in the comments what you like to eat hummus with or ways you'd take hummus in a tube with you. I'd so take this on my next airplane trip for a healthy snack. Winners will be picked randomly, and US residents only are eligible. I know. Sorry international folks! I'll announce winners on Friday, so you have until Thu. Jan. 15 midnight PST to enter.

Awesome tips from the Skinny Debt Dieters

So, we're into week 2 of the Skinny Debt Diet (SDD), and there are 23 members and 10 discussions so far in our Skinny Debt Dieters group over at Wesabe. It's very cool, and there have been some really awesome tips and insights. The gist of the SDD is four categories: food, finances, fitness, and feelings of tips and community support to help boost your financial wellness and help you physically and fiscally since their is such a strong tie between health and money.

Here's some highlights over at our Wesabe Skinny Debt Dieters group :

Discussions started by members:

• Noticing you have more energy by canadagal

• Now that you are eating better are you shopping more? by Just_Kelly

• How are you keeping track of your finances? Thoughts on Quicken by SehnsuctMDPhD

Three hottest discussions:

• Can you not eat at restaurants for one month? Find out what one big factor keeps people hooked to eating out, and it isn't convenience.

• Tips on decluttering your finances.

• Food: Tips on eating healthy for cheaper

Tips that I thought were most helpful:

• Throw a dinner party instead of eating out at restaurants with friends. Besides eating cheaper you can eat healthier and have good bonding time with pals which boosts emotional wellness.

• If you have outta-sight-outta-mind issues with paying bills, create a calendar of due dates and hang on your wall next to your computer.

• Look into "Community Supported Agriculture aka Organic Farm Share" to save on produce and organics.

• Some good finance organizing tips if you're a piler like me :)

• chattygirlnic did a month of no buying anything made in China, and discovered just how much is made in China. I think I might be scared to find out.

Stop by our Skinny Debt Dieters Group, and please feel free to start a discussion and to chime in. Our Wesabe group is absolutely free, spam free, and anonymous if you want. I'm really loving all the tips and discussions. People are so cool there!

Okay Yeah, Finances Make Me Wanna Overeat

I'm just going to say this out loud because I think part of the problem with money is that many of us are afraid to even to admit this but here we go, "Finances are scary, and sometimes it scares the living crap out of me." Yup, I said it out loud. Whew! And anything that scares the doo doo out of me makes me want to overeat especially cookies and ice cream to relieve the anxiety.

For the Skinny Debt Diet, in general, I think that it is healthy to admit that you have fears about your money and finances because bottling those feelings up is what can make that Haagen Daz and Mrs.Fields look like saviors. Some of us may have grown up in homes where money was not allowed to be spoken about, or that money topics were taboo and you're supposed to know everything there is about money. Money can be very emotionally polarizing for many of us.

You're kind of set up to feel lost

I think feeling lost and confused about our personal finances is normal because think about this, most of us actually never had a class in school or college for that matter that taught you about personal finance. Where did you learn to balance a check book? Where did you learn what those 401k papers mean? Who taught you about loans? Think about that. We're kind of left on our own to figure all that money stuff out. In college, they'll tech you about GNP and accounting, but how about understanding what personal taxes, investments, and even debt is all about.

So, how did most of us learn about money management? Well, if you're like me, I learned from my parents and when I got older I asked friends, and then started hitting the money section at Barnes & Noble or Amazon. Dummies books here I come! When I found myself with a million dollars in what felt like overnight, I was like, "Holy cow! Who do I talk about this with? What's all this new paperwork I gotta look at? Where do I go to learn about the taxes in my new tax bracket?"

How listening to perfect girl hurt me financially

One major thing that contributed to me losing all that money was not dealing with my fears and anxiety, or even admitting that I had fears. On the surface, I acted like I knew what I was doing because that's what perfect girls do. I asked for help too late because I was too afraid to ask for help in the first place. This was an instance where my inner perfect girl held me back in a way that cost me big time financially. That experience was definitely a huge learning lesson which I will not make again, and which is why today, here on the blog I can say this more freely, "Finances can scare the living daylights out of me. Someone help!" And, it's okay.

Now here's the thing, feel your fear, express them, but do not let those fears stop you from doing what you need to do and that is be responsible and accountable for your money actions. Remember "Feel The Fear But Do It Anyway."

That slice of pepperoni is looking mighty relieving

Like I said, before, when I'd feel those money fears the first thing I'd do is gravitate towards the sweets and oh pizza. Something about pizza calms my money worries. But, pizza and desserts like peanut butter cookies and Boston Creme pie are not helping the waist line cause, and it's really doing nothing to change what's going on in the bank accounts.

In fact, the hard cold realization that I was eating away my bank account was what got me to start working on my money anxiety and food relationship. I did a calculation and discovered that at one point over 30% of my money was going just to food, and most of that was eating out all the time. Yeah, 1/3, scary.

A pie to see how much pie you're really eating away

If you sign up at Wesabe and join our Skinny Debt Diet group there (again it's all free and spam free), you can lay out your finances and see how much you're eating away your money, literally. And yeah, that will be a scary exercise, I'm not going to sugar coat it, but it's going to be a good scared.

It's going to be the kind of scared that will help you reach your financial goals and dreams because you don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck or in debt for the rest of your life. Knowing where your money is really going is the kind of scared that is, "I'm feeling my fears but doing something very loving and healthy for me, along with my now and my future."

Again, feeling fear is okay and perfectly normal, everyone, and I mean everyone has some level of anxiety and fears around money. Just know that you're not alone, and the only difference between you and those who are reaching their financial goals is the degree to which you let your fears hold you back. Don't ya think?