Back in skinny jeans

Part II Interview with Lara Kulpa: Plus-size model and woman extraordinarire

BISJ: Let's turn to TV and the movies now. You have made it to the semi-final auditions of some reality TV shows like The Biggest Loser, and Monique's Fat Chance. I've personally tried out for some reality shows myself, and once made it to a pre-semi final. The experience for me felt a bit exploitive, but again, that is what reality TV is about. Overall, how was your experience trying out for these shows, and did you ever feel like the casting managers/producers were exploitive of the "fat" issues?

Lara: All of my experiences with reality shows has been nothing short of wonderful. I was one of twelve women for season two of TBL, and as you know, they could only choose six. The following year, I really wasn't sure I was going to resubmit myself, and they called me! They told me that there was a new producer who'd seen my photos and tapes and wanted to meet me, so I re-interviewed all over again. 

It's funny you mention exploitation - for the first one, there was a guy and a girl, and the guy kept telling me that I'm beautiful, and he didn't think I was "big enough". I've always been told that I don't look my weight. I told him that I weighed more than some of the other women on the first season when they started, and he still shook his head in disbelief. So, to prove my point, I dropped trou' and lifted my shirt up to the bottom of my bra! I jiggled my belly right there and said, "Do NOT tell me that I'm not big enough!" He fell out of his chair laughing, and the poor girl - she just couldn't believe what I'd done! She told me that I had a personality for reality TV for sure, and that they were both going to recommend me. Apparently they did!

For the Mo'Nique show, it was a little different. Tina and I both hopped a train at 3 am in order to get in line early for the auditions to open at11 am. We got to talking in line with all the women there with us for quite some time. I met some of the girls from CurvyChick and Venus Divas and even a couple of girls from the REAL Mag contest right there in line, and it was fantastic!

When we went in, we met with the producer and had about 60 seconds of one-on-one time with him. Literally! He then called out numbers of people who stayed, and mine was one of them! Tina actually wound up meeting up with Mo'Nique in the lobby when she went down, and Mo' sent her back up, so she got through to the 2nd round as well. 

BISJ: That must have been a thrill for Tina to get sent back by Mo’Nique herself?

Lara: Absolutely! Mo'Nique spoke to all of us, and it really was an emotional moment. She talked about how hard she's worked to break through the fat barrier herself, and that she's doing this show to help us break through a little easier. She cried when she talked about how much it meant to her that we were all there to support the show. Soon, a room full of 300 women cried along with Mo’Nique. It was a beautiful thing!

For our safety, after interviewing, we had to be escorted by security directly into a taxi. There was a huge crowd of women who wanted to audition, but didn't make it in, and they were pounding on the windows of the hotel, throwing bottles, you name it. Tina and I walked out and comments were made about "white girls" and "they not fat" and all sorts of things. It really bothered me that these women had lost all respect for what the show is really about, simply because they showed up too late to get in the door. To think - all that was going on as we were upstairs bonding with Mo'Nique herself.

BISJ: So, you didn’t make the first season of FAT Chance, but like de ja vu, the show contacted you for the second season, and this is where the drama begins.

Interview with Lara Kulpa: Plus-size model and woman extraordinarire

I would like all of you to meet Lara Kulpa of the blog Lady de la Luna. Lara is a shining example of a woman whose life is in PLAY. She is an aspiring plus-size model, has appearances in two upcoming movies, has come this close to being on two well-known reality shows, and is an internet business owner. We think Lara is cool because she is going after her dreams with confidence, focus, and joy.

BISJ: You have such a fascinating background Lara. We'll jump straight into the issue of models and weight. Recently, there has been a slew of talk and debate about fashion models being too skinny. Now, you are in the world of plus-size modeling where I'm assuming different kinds of debates occur. 

Can you share with us some of the prominent issues in plus-size modeling, and your experience with those issues? As well, can you just quickly tell us what the modeling agents are looking for in a plus-size model today?

Lara: Thank you for the invite, Stephanie! It's an honor to be able to discuss these things with you, and share with your readers.

You're right when you say that different debates occur in the world of plus size modeling. "How plus is too plus?" is a big one. The opportunities change dramatically with each dress size. For example: Two very well known "plus size" clothing store chains only sell a size 12 and up. It's the "industry standard" that once you hit 12, you're considered "plus". 

However, with both of these chains, the models,, used in pictures around the store and in the windows, are only a size 10. Their "mannequins" are always wearing shirts that have been pin-tucked, so even the mannequins are smaller than the clothes they sell. In all reality, a true plus size model can't even get a shoot for a plus size clothing store. 

BISJ: Interesting. So, even in the “plus size” clothing stores where they are “targeting” a larger-size demographic, there is still this push to sell smaller.

Lara: Yes. There's debate on this, as usual. If you ask the talent agents who represent those stores, they'll tell you that the industry standard has dropped to 8 being the cutoff. My answer to that then is, "Well then why doesn't the store carry sizes 10 and up?" To which of course, there is no valid response.

In another example, there is a clothing line targeted to women sized 20’s up to 30’s. They’re style is very "gothic" and "punk". However, I, currently at a size 20, am too small to model for them. So in reality, I'm "in limbo" when it comes to fashion modeling. So for now, I've chosen other kind of modeling work. For example, I was a Redken hair model at the New York State Hair Expo for two years in a row.

BISJ: So, what are the modeling agents looking for in plus size models?

"9-1/2 weeks": Best seduction scene in a movie

Manola over at Sex and the Beach, reminded me today of a really cool song, "You can leave your hat on" by Joe Cocker. This song sticks in my psyche because it reminds me of one of my guilty pleasures, the movie "9 1/2 Weeks" starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke, before he over-did the plastic surgery and started looking like cat-man.

The song is used in this "strip" scene. Kim's number here is very sexy and seductive without being slutty and cheap. Every woman should learn this seduction dance for some honey lovin'....Oh, and yeah, it burns calories ;-)

Cute kids, babies, and innocence

I got this in one of those long email forwards, so if you're the creator, let us know. I just had to share this because the story is soooooo adorable. Innocence is so blissful.

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. 
 
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"  
  
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."  
   
"How about transportation?" the father asked.  
 
 "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.  
   
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."  
   
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

Author Interview: Audrey Brashich "All Made Up"

Awhile back, I introduced you guys to Audrey Brashich and her book "All Made Up." Today, we have a treat for you all, as Audrey spent some time chatting with us about her inspiration to write about body and beauty issues, her involvement with Turn Beauty Inside Out (TIBO), and blogging for Mariska Hargitay of Law & Order SVU fame. You'll learn something very fascinating about our favorite Detective Olivia Benson, an amazing woman.

So what inspired you to write, “All Made Up”?

Audrey: Well, one answer to that question is that it totally made my blood boil every time I heard guys say things like "I'm dating a model" or "Guess who I saw last weekend?  [INPUT NAME OF ANY FAMOUS MODEL OR CELEB HERE]"  and then nudge and wink their buddies. It wasn't  that I was jealous, it was that I was so troubled by why guys--and some girls--believed that these women were special, unique or more valuable than other women. I hated that as a culture, we're all on a first name basis with models, celebs, actresses, etc and yet are hard pressed to name women or real accomplishment.   

As a teen, I desperately wanted to become a model, and once I started working as an editor at major teen magazines, I dealt with so many letters from readers who wrote in asking how to get discovered that I realized my own teen desire to be a model/get famous/find some entree into that amazing life or recognition/money/adoration was not unique. 

As I write about in my first chapter, I went through adolescence wanting to model, and finally breaking into the industry. But later, when I became an editor at teen magazines like Sassy, YM and Jump, I read waaaay to many letters and emails from girls who wanted the same thing.  And it made me realize that so many of us were cluing in at an early age to which women were celebrated, desired, well-paid, and wanting it for ourselves. I wanted to bring all that to light.

Is there a place online where we can read a page or two of "All Made Up" as a  preview?

Audrey: There's just a bit from the intro on my website, and there are several reviews on my author page at Amazon.

What is Turn Beauty Inside Out, and how did you come to get involved?

Audrey: Turn Beauty Inside Out (TBIO) is a great conference that happens every year. It's goal is to raise questions about the portrayals/roles in various parts of our culture (ie Women in Politics, depictions of girls/women in advertising, depictions of girls/women in film and TV and depictions of girls/women in the music industry. It happens every spring in either Los Angeles, New York or Washington DC, and hundreds of girls come from all over the country. It's put on by a great non-profit organization called Mind on the Media (www.motm.org). 

I got involved a few years ago as a presenter, when I used to run a now-defunct web community for teens that was called CultureofModeling.com. Just like All Made Up, CultureofModeling.com raised questions about which women are celebrated by the media. After that, I was asked to apply to become a member of MOTM's board of directors...and for the last two years, I've been involved in running the organization and planning the conference. It's been great!

How can others get involved with TIBO or support the message?

Audrey: There's tons of information at the TIBO website. The next TBIO conference will be in Spring 2007 in New York, and the focus will be on advertising. We're just gearing up to start the planning process this fall, and will be taking all sorts of ideas, suggestions etc.  People can contact us through the website.

So, I hear you are a guest blogger on Mariska Hargitay’s blog aka Olivia Benson on Law & Order SVU. I LOVE that show! What a cool gig. How did you come to be a guest blogger for Mariska?

Audrey: I WAS! Isn't that cool? As for how it all came together... well, I used to work with someone who's gone on to work for Mariska. My friend told Mariska about All Made Up. I sent her a copy... She loved it... and it all snow balled from there! I'm just excited that she not only portrays such a smart character on TV, but is clearly devoted to important issues and opportunities for girls/women in real life too. 

I think she's one of the best role models in the public eye today, and deserves way way way more buzz than she gets. But, doesn't that just prove my point? It's never the women who are really working to change the world that are celebrated in the media... it's the ones who fit a very narrow definition of beauty and success who get all the air time.

On your Amazon profile, you mentioned the possibility of writing, “All Made Up: The 20-something years.” I think that is an absolutely fabulous idea! Those years in my opinion are the hardest in terms of dealing with body image issues because in your 20’s you are leaving adolescence and entering adulthood. You are leaving your “child” self, and entering your “adult” self. Many young women feel “lost and afraid”during these years because of that transition.

After high school or college, you get a job and apartment, and are discovering your independence as well as a new level of competition in the adult world. There are the pressures of dating and sex. Most of the big advertising goes after the 20-somethings because they believe they are the trendsetters, so the pressure to be one of the “pretty people” can become real intense.

Riding on the momentum of All Made Up, I think that a book focusing on the 20-somethings will be extremely helpful. So, when will see it?? ;-) When you get to All Made Up: The 30-something years, let me know, I’ll be the first to buy it.

Audrey: It's so true....As I wrote on my Amazon blog, when I first wrote the book proposal for All Made Up, lots of literary agents and book publishers really thought it would be a great project for 20 and 30somethings...and it WOULD be. Because, when we reach this age group, we're finally able to analyze lots of the messages we've been
exposed to, and start making decisions about what we want to jettison, what we want to keep, and who we want to be. 

However, I really really wanted to reach girls at a younger age, BEFORE they get so caught up in the messages and celebrity hype that's everywhere today. Lemme finish the book tour and press for All Made Up part one over the next few months...then ask me again!

Thanks again Audrey for your time! You can buy "All Made Up" at Amazon here. And, you can visit Audrey's blog "Don't believe the hype" here.

Enjoy big food. Cut it in half

Salad bar surfing gets boring after awhile, so go ahead and indulge in the "forbidden fat" food to break up the monotony. It's okay. At places we know serve big, scrumptious food, Matt and I get one order and split it. At first glance it may appear to be a cheap tactic, but really it's a taste bud, waistline tactic. Why should food be forbidden just because it's got extra fat and calories? By splitting an order, instead of having to undue the top button of my jeans because I've overeaten, I get to have a taste without the mass. Momentary joy before the trek back to the rabbit food garden.

For example, there's this incredibly awesome greasy burger joint with the most AMAZING garlic fries that Matt and I love to go to. The burger joint is far from our home, but it's on the way to his folks house, so we'll stop when we can to get the garlic fries and burger. This place is cool because they split the orders and give each person their own red plate with no extra charge. Here's a picture from the last trip. Man! I really did sink my teeth into this greasy masterpiece.

Why are you obsessed with your weight? Try this exercise.

If you think about your weight 24/7, make life decisions based on your weight situation, or put joy on hold until you lose weight, and want to break out of those patterns, a good place to start is by asking yourself and answering, “Why do I obsess about my weight?” Get a piece of paper, your journal, or even your computer, write down the question, and brainstorm.

 Write everything that comes down. Allow yourself to do this exercise without judgment, without punishment, or without “what am I supposed to, should, or nicely say.” Be free, and let the pen flow. This is about letting your feelings out. This is about you putting yourself in the power seat of your life. This is about you making the first steps to letting go of your obsession with your weight. By writing down what’s going on inside you on paper, you can start to see the picture. You have a visual that will help you get a better understanding and grip on what you need to take action on, and where to get help.

This is not an easy exercise to do. It will take bravery to be totally honest with yourself, and for you to look at what you have written, but it will be a very loving thing to do for yourself and a very freeing thing. The physical act of writing down your feelings puts it out in the open. And the more you put it out in the open, the less power these feelings have over you. If you have some very intense things going on in your life, it is best to do this exercise with the support of a therapist, healer, your doctor, or group related to your particular issue(s). It’s also less scary and lonely when you have people supporting you.

After you’re done with this exercise, a cathartic thing to do is to shred the paper, delete the file, or burn the paper. I personally enjoy shredding. The act of shredding, burning, deleting is symbolic for you letting go of those old feelings that no longer serve you.

Next, what happened when I did this exercise….

"Bag 'em, Tag 'em, & Drag 'em to the Altar"

I saw this tagline on a newsletter I enjoy. The post was about spells and curses. This one stuck out because I know many women who are so anxious to get married that they will resort to casting spells or having someone cast a spell on their targeted beloved to get him to the altar. “He” just doesn’t realize yet what a catch he has in you, so a little spell to help him “see” the light won’t hurt anything.

Now, I’m not bagging on anyone who has tried the spell tactic or even thought of it. I sure have read up on some those “Love spells” myself. If anything, it’s interesting. But, if you put the glass sipper on the other foot, how would you feel if you found out that you ended up marrying some guy because he put a spell on you. I would gather that it would piss you off. Love and marriage is something that should happen in its natural course. And, nothing that is created through coersion, trickery, or  deception will end happily ever after. As an example, ask any woman who trapped a man by getting pregnant.

As you get older, and love hasn’t found its way to you yet, the desperation and anguish get more consuming. I know all about this. You start becoming more open to things like spell casting because you want so badly to have a special someone. Everyone you know is getting married, and there are people you know who are even on their 2^nd or 3^rd marriage, and you haven’t had your first. Damn frustrating! But in the end, the real challenge is having faith that your true beloved does exist and that you two will find each other, and you will not have to resort to trapping, bagging, or dragging the man to the altar. It may take longer than you had planned or wanted, but trust me; it will be worth the wait.

Vanity needs Prada

I know I’m late to the fashion show, but I just saw the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, based on the book. It wasn’t on my list of “must see” movies this summer, but I went because Matt and I took his granny to the movies, and that is what she wanted to see. I love Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci, so even though the topic wasn’t of great interest to me, the great actors were.

Straight up, there were 2 reasons; I had no desire to see this movie. First, I have worked for a boss(es) from hell, and I just don’t feel the need to relive that. And second, I knew this story was about the vicious, shallowness of the fashion industry. I personally don’t read magazines like Vogue Runway because it just reeks of pretentiousness, and fake-itude. The vainglorious fumes from the magazine make me pukish. To me, this “art”, Miranda calls it, is what fuels our “not-enoughness.” It fuels vanity in ways that make us shallow. Beauty does matter and is lovely, but it does not make us better human beings. And that is what I hate most about the fashion rags, their message is that the more beautiful you are, by our standards, the better you are as a person.

Now don’t get me wrong. I like to look at pretty bags, shoes, and baubles, just like any self-respecting girly-gurl, but the standard of beauty, for humans, these fashionistas push behind the pretty purse or skirt is just obnoxious. I don’t want to look at a $1900 bag hanging off the arm of a bag of bones with an ad telling me that I’ll be “in” because I’m parading this trendy bag by xyz frou-frou designer. It’s a purse for crying out loud, not a cure for cancer or global warming. And, for the life of cream cheese, what is so glamorous about looking like an anorexic, coke whore, with zombie eyes. The thing about almost all the models in these couture rags is that they have “dead” eyes. There’s no glimmer or spark like someone who is really alive.

Watching The Devil Wears Prada was horrifying to me. I’d hide under my sweater when Miranda would spew her venom. Some lines that stick in my craw, include:

Miranda to Andy (a size 6 in the beginning):
“I decided to take a chance and hire the smart, fat girl.”

Emily to Andy:
“I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”

 Nigel to Andy:
“Size 0 is the new 4….Size 6 is the new 14.”

Hell, I’m just going to dive into my bucket of popcorn and drown myself in the pools of artificial butter cause there’s no way I'm starving, and depriving myself just to fit into a size 2, or 4, or 6, or…..wait. Can I put Prada on my pizza?

You're beautiful: The song

You're Beautiful
by James Blunt
Album: Back to Bedlam
buy at iTunes

The first time I heard this song, I was enthralled with this man's voice. The story behind the song "You're Beautiful" is one that lived in my skinny dream fantasies when I was in my 20's. Many women have the same fantasy, and some actually get to live it.

The story goes, cute guy sees you from across a crowded room. He doesn't know you, and you don't know him, but the moment he lays his eyes on you he is in love. But, alas, it is a forbidden love because you are either with someone else, or you are betrothed to wed the son of your parent's accountant. The guy is aching to be with someone as beautiful and unattainable as you.

The lyrics in "You're Beautiful" that capture this essence:

You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

This might be bold to say, but I think that EVERYONE has at one point in their lives the fantasy of locking eyes across a crowded room and falling in love with their soul mate. It is so Danielle Steele, but yet we guzzle it up like shots on "get drunk" night at the local bar.